|Apr 12 2011|
I have to come to grips with the limitations of fibro, hashimoto's, and migraine disease. All my doctors seem to be a bit blase about my situation. We try new meds and all, but I really get thesense that they feel a bit powerless, and thus frustrated. My neuro has helped the most with the botox shots (40 at a time) in the temples, skull, and neck. It has helped break the week-long migraine buildups. I still get a headache everyday, but it isn't as bad as they used to be. I also have stomach injections for the migraines that I can give to myself when needed.
I hate that I don't feel up to doing the things I love. I am an artist and used to stay up late working on my art. Now, I can only paint a few hours at a time with my achy wrists. I wear wrist supports. I just want to lay down most of the time. I work about 60 hours a week as a professor.
I used to build stone walls in my garden and now the thought of pulling a few weeds feels monumental.
This is not the person I want to be. But this is who I am becoming. My husband of 25+ years is divorcing me this year because he didn't want to live with these chronic conditions. Both of my children are off at college.
I can't imagine ever finding someone who would want to be with this combo-platter of invisible illnesses that I have become. Dating? Yeah, that should go well!
I have to find a way to accept reality and reinvent myself.
I am not comforted by religious sayings or overly sentimental placards. I am not comforted when people say, "It could be worse!" My father died of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) when he was only 42 and I was 17. I know how it could be worse.
I am not in a good place.
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