I don't understand how  us women can be so retarded when it comes to men.  I've even been there, and I still don't really understand it.  Are we wired to be manipulated??  Is there some sort of gene that predisposes us to put up with being abused, tormented, and taken advantage of?

He walked out on her, stole money from their family budget for drugs, took her their only vehicle, and left her home alone with a one-year-old and a three-week-old.  Then, when she walks out on him and threatens to not come back unless he gets treatment, he has the fucking nerve to get mad at her.  She says she'll be strong and won't back down, but I know she'll take him back.  I know she'll listen to his excuses, and she'll believe this is somehow her own fault.  He'll say he'll go back to church, and everything will be better if she'll come back home.  And they might be better for a while.  But the day will come when he does it again.  It might be a week, a month, or a year, but the day will come. 

And the hardest thing will be not being there for her again.  I can't do this again.  I have put my life on hold, taken her into my home, added stress to my kids' lives, ruined everyone's sleep because of two crying babies, cried with her, hurt with her, and I can't do it again.  If she takes him back before he recovers, I can't pick her up when she falls.

Why the fuck do I have to care so much???  Sometimes I wish I wasn't so empathetic.  I know I can't make her see it; she has to see it for herself.  I know I can't be her strength; she needs to develop that strength on her own.  I know I can't fix things for her kids; she has to protect them on her own.  But that doesn't change the fact that I want to.  It doesn't change the fact that I want to go over there right now and tell him exactly how bad he screwed up; that I'm not giving him back his wife until he gets his butt into inpatient treatment.  

But I can't.  I won't.  

Instead, I'll sit here and cry, knowing that right now he's telling her it's her fault.  If she had only been there when he got home, he wouldn't be so mad.  She had no right to go running her mouth to her friends about his problem.  She has his family to talk to, so why would she need to confide in a friend?  If she would just be what he needs, read his mind, and not try to make him talk about it, he wouldn't need to abandon her to go get high.

 And I'll cry more knowing that she'll apologize for not being what he needs.  She'll apologize for not being there when he finally decided to come home.  She'll apologize for not being able to save him.

 And his family will be so happy because the marriage is saved.  

Some times I hate knowing the things I know.  I hate knowing how abusers function, how they snag their prey and keep it gripped so tightly in their jaws they can't escape without lifelong scars.  

I wish there was more I could do, but I've done everything I can.  All I can do now is hope she stands her ground.  And if she doesn't, she'll have to find someone else to pick her up again because it can't be me.