When Does It Get Better....

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Scott Carothers Thoughts - Home Feed

Scott Carothers Thoughts - scottc's Diary
	This is where I will do my journaling and processing each day as I need to just like I did at Timberlawn with the therapist.

May 26

2008

When Does It Get Better....

To all my friends and all of those who have sent encouraging messages, a sincere THANK YOU. It is your words that are keeping me going day by day. It is amazing how words of encouragementhelp so very much. I know that things take time, but when do things start to change. Someone told me to take it five minutes at a time. Great idea. But then i could get overwhelmed in each five minute segments. There are just so many things falling apart in my life right now. There is not one aspect of my life that is not struggling. My marriage, my children, my job, who I am, my authentic self, being bi-polar, depression, PTSD, legal issues, and on and on. I know everyone must get sick of hearing me bitch all the time. Everyone else has their problems as well. I am taking my meds, I am going to counseling, I am using my containment skills, I am doing everything I know to do and it is still more than I can handle at moments. My wife is tired of me crying all the time. My children are tired of me trying to talk to them all the time, my wife is tried of me watching tv to distract. I don't know how to deal.

I am totally fearful today. Today is memorial day and we have planned a family outing to eat and to a movie. My children are 17, 16, 15, and just turned 13 so they are not to thrilled to go with mom and dad. I need this because I think they are embarassed to be seen with me. I am afraid of them fighting with mom, not agreeing, texting on their phones and not interacting wtih me, still ignoring me, and all. I am afraid this may turn out terrible. I am just plain scared. I have a little hope it will go well. I pray it will go well.

Ok, well, I will quit bitching for today and leave with my family. Thanks everyone.

Comments (4) Add Comment

hang in there!
written by Aveeda, May 26, 2008

I will pray that your family time is blessed today

And do what you have to do to survive........

Diane

Just so you'll know
written by norma, May 26, 2008

You are doing all the right things. Raising teenagers is stressful in itself. You are caring for yourself and your family. I may not have the words to say what will make it better. Just wanted you to know that I am rooting for you and your family.
If it is any comfort when the kids get older they are going to remember going to the movies. And although, they act like they don't want to go, some day they will appreciate it. Doing things as a family is like planting seeds in a garden, the fruits of your labor aren't evident for years.

MY 15 year old....
written by bejeweled, May 27, 2008

is embarrassed to be seen with me too. LOL Unless she needs money. Teenagers suck. I am lucky there are nine years between my kids. FOUR teenagers would be....just unbearable!! I am joking - I am sure they are great kids - but I couldn't do it. I barely have patience for one. smilies/grin.gif

I am right there with you!
written by looking4hope, May 27, 2008

I have had panic attacks for a week and 4 days now. I had 3 "good" days then some stuff happened. Sometimes I feel like I can't even make it through 5 mins, I have to try to get through each second! Panic attacks are so cruel! They drain you and then your anxious because your afraid of the next panic attack. I just saw a doctor for the first time about my issues and 1. I was way underdosed on my medicine I take, Lexapro. I have too many things on my plate. Many issues with my ex husband who I live with. I was drowning, trying to come up for air during this and you know what, he pushed me down, he pushed me so far down! My daughter has chronic constipation and she was out of school for a month while we ran all these tests. She has great anxiety about going back to school. She has only went 3 days out of 3 weeks. I finally got a note from her doctor today to excuse her for her last 2 weeks of school while we wait to take her to the physicist and to Loma linda hospital to see a GI doctor. That triggers great stress on me and causes panic attacks. There is a list I can go through. I have no appetite right now, the doc gave me something to sleep, and I try to find things to help me through "those moments!" I sit on my front porch and look at my birds and watch my kittens play and water my plants. Sometimes I can't even do that! If you have not seen a doctor I would say SEE A DOCTOR! I have no insurance myself and I went through the county mental health. They are not as scary as I thought they were smilies/wink.gif

Good luck and best wishes! I also struggle day by day right now. They say it does get better. I had an episode a few years ago were mine lasted 30 days. I know the feeling of thinking your going crazy, it's scary! But with help, we will be ok! We have to believe that!
xoxo