Just last week my wife's brother and his wife had they first child and it was such a wonderful experience.  The family was all there, everyone was so excited to see the baby come, everyonewanted to see her, everyone wanted to hold her, everyone wanted to be there.  In shart contrast, there was my birthday today.  First, all I have wanted to do for the past three day is just die.  My life is getting worse by the day.  On the day before my birthday, I received a certified letter from the licensing board for my education credentials stating that I was under investigation for alleged misconduct and that was being placed on my certificate.  Basically that means, I won't be getting a job in education.  I have spend 15 years working in education 10 years preparing for education, and now I can't work in education.  I don't know what I am going to do.  Anyway, back to the b-day. I did not even want to get out of bed.  I did not roll out of bed until my wife woke me up at 12:15 p.m.  Even then I cried for about 20 minutes.  My wife came back into the room and said my children were wanting to go out and eat and I yelled at her and said I don't want to go out and eat.  She left crying.  I don't know what really happend next, but then my children came into the bedroom with my favorite food from Sonic.  That made me smile and then they brought me the gifts they had bought for me.  they were all very thoughtful gifts.  The kids spent the whole day with me even though I did not even get out of the house.  One of my children bought me a DVD set of Law and Order SVU which is one of my favorite tv shows.  My daughter made me a card that just made me cry and cry as well.  I left throughout the day to just go to my room and cry.  It seems that was all I could do all day long was cry and weep.  There is so much stress between my wife and I.  I try to be hopeful, but i just doesn't work for me.  Hope seems so far away.  Happiness seems so far away.  I hate myself.  I don't deserve such a wonderful spouse and children.  They deserve a father that can do so much more for them than I can.  God make a mistake on me......