Why wear a ribbon?

"I am bipolar and my daughter has cp" (jimmy1986)

MDJunction to me

"MDJunction is at least as big a part of my healing as the medications I take. Finding others with the same health challenges has truly been a Godsend. The support & information I receive here give me the courage to stand up for my needs in social situations, as well as the techniques & references to help my friends & family understand this Invisible Chronic Illness." (JoSh11)

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saddness

my feelings and thoughts

may 14

May 14 2008

well, the kid called me about his diploma. I was cold to him. especially since he is playing games and fucking around....I started to shake....you know how you can get when your bodyis like fight or flight.

I said: what do you want me to do? he said he needed it right away, and that is why I said that to him. shit....yah....I gotta jump just cause he says, that is fucked.

then he said: i hear you've had conversations with my ex. hmmmm...i told her not to say to him we had spoken. so she is history, and this is NOT a surprise....it is so sad when you seem to like these young girls, but this is the second time she has done something like this.

when he said that I did not answer and switched it on him and said, well call me tonight about the diploma>? OK, ....bye.

so, if he wants this so bad, he has to call me. Screw all of them....I am not gonna explain anything to this kid or the other.

I think I will never have a relationship with him, because of his personality. Screw it.

I go to that class tomorrow. I hope I learn alot over the next 6 months...I did not ask him how he ws doing, NOTHING>

that is how I am gonna keep it. You treat people how to treat YOU....so I am just gonna be cold. no more loving attitude. him not taking the food yesterday that I left is like him, yet again, saying FUCK YOU.

also, I am not gonna leave this "under my mat" for him to get. If he wants it, he has to see me in FUCKING PERSON.

Previous diary posts by sallie:

stuff
Midlife thoughts
feeling down and blue
Well, sometimes....payback is a bitch!
For friend, family, loved ones

thurs. may 8
may 7
still....barely May 6 - ex fiance
may 6
fiance called cell phone

Comments (3) Add Comment

interesting
written by sallie, May 14, 2008

You know, I do not post here to be lectured, Suz, and that is what you sound like. You don't know how I have been treated, or mistreated, by my son for over three years.

When you have walked in my shoes, you can tell me how I should or should not behave. In addition, I don't want to see him neutered, but I do want to see him be drug free, and employed, and only want a great life for him, whether or not it includes me.

I really do not post here for others to "judge" me. Just because I felt shakey inside, means nothing. It does not mean I have given up my power...it means I am sticking to my guns and it is difficult for me to do that, so I am nervous.

Sooooooooo, thanks, but I am not really asking for anyone's advice on this post.

reading the PMs
written by sallie, May 14, 2008

well, you accused me of ALWAYS bringing up your Mom in the PMs...I had sent you six PMs prior to you telling me that I bring up your mom every time, and it looks to me like out of six PMs I mentioned your mom in two of them. Correct me If I am wrong, but perhaps you are overly senstive concerning that particular situation. I also do not think I said anything derogatory towards your behavior to your Mom in those messages.
I just felt that I needed to review the messages this evening after you accused me of bringing her up in every one.

I know we all have things that are difficult in life. That iw where our personal growth comes from is those difficulties. I am sure you really may not have meant to offend me, but you are not aware of all of my life. Even the diary posts are not near descriptive of most anything, and alot is not even recorded at all as I do not choose to write down everything or I would be writing a book here (like many others of us I am sure).

I hope that you take this in the spirit it is intended because no one is perfect!

Tough Love
written by kimminentdanger, May 15, 2008

Sallie - The best you can do is the best you can do. When all else fails, sometimes you HAVE TO try the tough love approach!!! We have spoken about your problems with your son, so I know exactly where you're coming from with this entry. I, for one, am amazed that you've managed to keep up the strength to get through this painful time, and I applaud your never-ending efforts and dedication to seeing to it that your son gets well (by whatever means necessary). Hang in there sallie... I "get" you.