saddness

I wanted it to be a good day.  I am finding I am hiding from people.  Not literally, but avoiding fun.  I canceled lunch with a good friend who works here. we don't see ea. othermuch, and she had a horribly abusive first marriage, way way worse than mine and most others, and the two boys are up in their 30s, and have been or are struggle with drug addictions, not working, etc. etc.   But, I did not feel like getting together, and NOT wanting to talk about my shit, but she does not deserve to hear only about my shit cause she has had so much of her own...I wanted it to be a good lunch, but I am being selfish right now cause I don't want to talk about FUN.  I want to not talk.  Gee, what changes I am going thru.  This is so not like me. 

tonight, I will head home, and treadmill.  It is so so hard not being able to put in all my mileage but to be down to 10 or 12 miles a week.   I am looking into Yoga, and think I will start that in May also.  A well rounded program. 

I also called on a dog.  There is a 4 yr. old doxie...they are looking for a home for the poor little gal.  who knows if they will call, I would find out if we are a good match or not. I so so miss my dog. 

Yeah...I think I am down....but I also know I need to allow myself this time to just sort of be alone.  I am still OK, and I know God does not give us more than He knows we are capable of.  That makes me feel good, actually, cause these struggles make me a much stronger person overall.

back to work!