|May 04 2012|
today I am very sad. sadder than I have been since the loss of my son. He passed at the age of 30 due to cystic fibosis, heart problems, diabetes, and ileostomy. He had a stroke 3 years ago, but onlysuffered minor setbacks, He had open heart surgery as a baby. I know he is better now I believe in Heaven, and he is safe.
I feel so sad too because I cannot get my life together, I have an option this weekend, I can stay with my daughter and sleep on a couch and next to a catbox that is not cleaned daily. with 4 children and tons of noise not excessive but more than I am use to.I could only have my little bit of clothing in a small plastic drawer system(3 drawers)No personal space at all. also would be a free babysitter for the 7 year old.so the 15 year old could go to work. I am almost 60, if I stay there I can apply for food stamps and medicare.I am looking for a 20 hour a week job myself. or I can stay with a friend in a bedroom and share a bathroom with a catbox or use her bathroom(which means no bathroom all night), but i have to have limited things (most of the room would have her things in it). I would have 2 drawers and a bed. I would not be able to apply for food stamps or medicare if I stay here because she would get in trouble ( she is renting on option to buy when she is suppose to buy outright)
the third option would be just pack a suitcase , put everything else in a storage unit and go to a homeless shelter.
I live on social security because of disability(depression, fibromyalgia, ostreoporosis, and rheumtoid arthristis. This is a very small income of only $500. Not enough to rent something and be able to eat, let alone pay utilities . I am scared . I do not know what to do. I want to make it on my own but I feel like everyone else is making sure that i can't. ( if I live with my daughter she has already told the 15 yr. old that I would be there to watch the little ones) If I stay with the friend I pretty much have to live her way with her things. I have a cat that is staying with a relative, I want my cat back, I have to live with everyone elses cat but i can't have mine.
I hatemy life, and I don't know what to do
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