|May 31 2012|
I find it hard not to be able to control my husband's recovery. I know I need to stay out of it, but my life depends on it. We are coming up on our 5 year anniversary, 3 years sinceI first "found out". I don't know what it's like to be an addict, I don't know how strong that pull can be. I only know if he doesn't stay sober then my life as I know it is over. I keep trying to imagine what my life would be without him and I can't. I also can't imagine staying with him if he can't recover. My life is riding on someone else's actions - I hate that. That explains why I have spent so many years of my life being in relationships that don't matter that much to me. Losing this marriage would devastate me.
Lately, recovery has been put on the back burner for him. Work is all consuming. He works late at night (and I worry, is he acting out?). He forgets commitments he made to me and has scheduled meetings for work instead. He hasn't been to a meeting in 3 weeks. I am thinking, "Well, that was fast - this new commitment didn't last too long". I am wondering how much he can value our relationship if he doesn't work on this.
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