Rediscovering me

Couldnt stop crying today.  Daughter went to ent.  Has to have surgery wouldnt be so bad but has to go to shriners due to pain and her joints not working right.  It started begining this month getting worse and I am getting mad that no answers come fast enough because she is in pain.  Surgery removal of tonsils and adnoids too big and she cannot breathe when sick or laying flat...then she has a 3 hr drive in a few weeks to go to another city for a specialist for allergies.  Gonna need support ready to unravel scream and cry.  Scared the geese away today and got what little neighbors I have to come out and look I just let out a blood curdling scream i had enough.  didnt help.  Almost right after last specialist surgery is to be done unless cancelation.. 

Husband not well, always tired refuses to see dr.  Here I am wanting help and struggling day to day and he just is afraid to go.  Last time in ICU 5 days couldn't move and he was on IVG/plasma...damn gullian barret..

Poor son, he is having issues with hypospadias again...what else???  Why dear God is everything I love and touch sick?  Why can I not fix it all???

I need strength I need faith I need help I need I need I need I need I need I need I need.....I NEED IT ALL BETTER!!!!  I feel no time to fix me now.  like before the help, before I know what was wrong with me.  All on me I cannot fail, I fail everyone looses..I fail everyone gets sicker, I fail and everyone looses.  Can't sleep,  Eat and get sick.  Can't stop.  Still searching for answers, possibilities and still can get it right?  Why!?!

Called to get back in for help...no way to go car down....3 miles to nearest store..30+ to nearest psych.council for INS over 100 for Daughters specialist for allergies...

I struggle I struggle .  AT least I still have one friend around and at least she is next door.  My only sanity I guess, just too damned depressed to visit half the time...F$#^ this day...GGGGGGGRRRRRRR

My only help and releif was my email today...it helped.  I wish I could say loads and lifted everything...becauase it meant allot but too burdened and gptta get passed.. tired of mania tired of depression tired of ocd ..