A potental hazard was avoided today when my husband came home ill.  People's lives were saved from potential ravage mutilation  due to the lack of presence of yours truly!

Here's why.  Okay some of you may know of the deal with the knife, the idiot and my five year old.  If not read past posts and diaries.  Anyway was supposed to go to a friends house whom I was assured by another party said idiot wouldn't be there.  At the last minute my "FRIEND"  says ," Oh I just thought I would tell you the idiot( I use this term due to cleaning up what my mind is truly thinking) is here and not to mention the bad ass kid I babysit who curses and knows too much about sex.  ( By the way he is seven and I do not go around anywhere near there when said prayer needers are around.)  So I think WOW! She just had to say it like that.  She doesn't really want me out there for some reason!  Now others heard her and it isn't paranoia.  There was a tone.  So the last minute I would have to find a sitter or take my kids or not go.  There was a very important reason to go. 

So I am thinking SWEET REVENGE!  No meds until after I was told.  Hadn't been taking them since incident w/idiot (oh did I mention idiot was supposed to be like a nephew to me? Ya that's right.  All I can think of is that his mom dropped him on his head one too many times> Don't know.)  Any way I think I stopped subconciosly because I was too mad that I was too calm that day.

Now don't get the wrong idea about me.  I am generally the let people walk all over me, take advantage of me, doo until I suffer for others, neighborhood case worker, resource center( for aid like housing, law, food, etc.)  So in all honesty I don't go bollistic until you hurt my kids then I'm worse then any other pmsing bitch that just found out her too timing man left her for an orgy farm.  I know doesn't make scence right?  I get like that sometimes.

So all of a sudden , until my husband gets home, I find myself day dreaming about going nuts out there.  I mean I say to myself just be calm.  You got a babysitter.  If he comes up too you just say calmy( I start out calm in thought then I rampage!)  Just don't talk to me please.  He'll say why?  Dumbass moment.  I'll take a deep breathe it will be no good and then I blow!  You insgnificant piece of shit particle.  Forget I exsist forget My kids exsist!  I don't even want to know you say our names or thnk them!  I would probably go after him get the cops called on me and in a perfect world I would press charges for that day that hurt my little girl  and he'd be someone's prison bitch!  HA HA HA!!!!!!

Then I take a deep breathe before I get to the fall back thought of the sahra desert "plan".  I then feel a little better.  I call my husband and tell him how I was feeling.  For once I actually listened to him!!!  GO ME!   Took my meds.  Later I called my counciler after I took my meds and explained it all.  Two points for me.

I think my husbands "being ill" was "save the poor bastard from her doing damge".  This has been one of me worst times.  I must pray for myself to obtain control and have the strenghth to take my meds no matter what!  Maybe God will slap me in the head with a mega V8!

Then I pull out my joke I love.  I love it because this is soooo my extended family.  Too close to home! I'll Share.....

The doctor come out of the er all solomn.  The family in the waiting room is crying worried about the loved one!

The doctor says:  There's only one hope for your loved one....A brain transplant!  It is a riskiy and experimental procedure  and your insurance will only pay for the procedure.   You will have to pay for the brain.

 An innocent sole asks what every was afraid too.: How much is the brain?

The doctor rplies to the innocent question.: It is $200.00 for a woman's brain and $2,000.00 for a man's.

Well the men tried not to smirk or make eye contact.  They tried not to laugh or cheer.  Some just couldn't help an all out smile .  Until one of them asked the question they all wanted to know.:  Why is there the big difference?

The doctor replied.:  It is fair market pricing,  You see the women actually used theirs!

 My father e-mailed  it to me on mother's day with the message:

Send this to all the women you know and all the men you think can handle it.  It would go figure huh Heather?

 Anyway I am good now and it was hard for me to admit that I act like this.  I become embaressed.  I decided to share though because maybe it will help someone some how.