Last time I wrote I said some pretty harsh stuff.  I reread what I wrote and put myself in third person mode.  If I would have been a teacher I would have taken offense.  I know not all teachers are bad.  I still thank the ones I had for taking the time to care when I see them.  It is just that I am frustrated with my son's school.

Of course I give the margine for error due to him being seven.  But when you encounter things that are detrimental to his well being ...well any parent would go off.

So I am sorry to any whom have taken the point of view I did of myself second time around.  I know it is not everyone whom is a teacher.  The theory of bringing things to attention lately backfires.  I end up wondering wether to even bother anymore.

Lately I have been overwhelmed.  Finding reasons to wake up each morning is getting harder and harder.  I began to push people away again.    Is this who I am going to be for the rest of my life?  Why isd it so hard to get past this.  Sometimes the medicine I take seems to work and sometimes I don't even thiink it does.

I have been fighting the paranoia of the fact summer is coming and anticipating trouble and problems.  I fight back by forcing myself to face the problems head on but I end up crashing by the end of the day.

I have added stress to my life by taking in a kitten whom was orphaned about three weeks old.  Its just like havong an infant again.  Sometimes I want to cry from lack of sleep.  Other times I thank God for giving me a chance to come back to reality.

Lately my mind has been going a million miles an hour.  I think I am in a mania stage.  I made 7 dozen cookies from scrath for the hell of it.   Moved my son's room around, Took my daughter to play at a park 3 miles away from the house just to get out.  I feel lcooped up and restless.  Kind of like I want to scream and break out of some kind of shell suounding me.

I also have a short attention span and tolerence level.  I am jittery.  OKay so my solutions to my problems.

1.  SLOW DOWN!!!!  Fat chance.

2.  I guess break my day down into smaller parts to organize myself.  By doing this it may make me calm down enough case I will have to concentrate.

3.  STOP TAKING ON OTHERS PROBLEMS.  As I said I love to help others but now I feel my help might hinder someone else because I am too scatter braind right now.  Blind leading the blind right?

4.  Take some time to walk now that summer is coming.  I read somewhere excercise helps bipolar.  Not to mention my health and maybe I'll get worn out.

5.  MIni breaks after each task is accomplished to take a break.

Okay now my goals are set.  Hope it works.  I am trying so hard and getting so frustrated.  I am open to suggestions.

Sorry again.  PLease don't judge me by a bad day.  I just sometimes have a hard time putting things into the right words to express myself.