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raylene my private pain

why do i feel like Im 80

Oct 22 2012

I was diagnosed with CPT2 when I was 28.  I had 3 kids and 3 jobs and no help.    I have always had muscle pain but was told to quit faking and mayeby if I wasnt so chubby I might havemore energy because none of my 10 siblings complained about muscle weakness and pain and then doctors told my parents over and over was that this was all in my head and they encouraged my parents to put me on diets and excercize regularly which only made me more sick.  Even as young as 15 I knew that something was wrong with the way my body worked I couldnt explain it or prove it but I knew it.  I tried as hard as I could to be as active as my friends I played soccer for years and after a while I knew better than to complain about my muscles because there was no explanation I fully believed that everyone felt the way  I did they just didnt complain about it  when I was 19 I found myself pregnant and to sick to work the doctors told me my nausea and pain were all apart of the pregnancy experience and I really should have thought about all that before I got pregnant.  So I married the first IDIOT that paid any attention to my pregnant self and I have regretted that everyday since.  He also believed there was nothing wrong with me and would constantly tell me to quit faking and get up and get the house clean and chase 3 kids under the age of 5  I learned how to cry so quietly because I didnt want anyone to know for fear that they would just tell me NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU  stop crying.  

  I used to lay in my daughters room on the floor next to her crib and cry and apologize for the mess I had made otta her life. 

Comments (3)Add Comment
written by raylene, October 29, 2012

i did the same when a year later my son was born and finally my baby emily i had 3 very stressed very naseaus very hard pregnancies long labors and it took me a long time to heal from having my babies but as they grew and we got to know each other me and the kids are a team and we have always taking care of each other and even tho everyone in my life has always told me there was nothing wrong with me my kids knew!! they knew when i hurt they knew when i was getting cold or stressed or that I need to eat and drink they never said i was faking anything they didnt know what it was called but they knew if i didnt eat before i went to work and between the stress of work and the heavy lifting and running that by the time i got home from work I couldnt move and they would have to feed me and they would have to put me in a hot tub I am there momma but they took care of me
written by raylene, October 29, 2012
and after ten years of being a single mom working 3 jobs never sleeping not eating the right foods I met a wonderful man and he believed me the same way that the kids do so I married him and he encouraged me to stop working and talk to social security disability so i did and 4 months later I was approved for disability and i havent worked one day since
written by raylene, October 29, 2012
So before i was diagnosed I had been admitted five times to the hospital for having rhabdomyalitis and renal failure but nobody could understand how this was happening to me. I was going to the gym to loose weight and I took every kickboxing step class spin class after the classes were over I would have extreme leg cramps and fevers and all over muscle tightening so salem hospital so they sent me up too the university hospital in portland once i was there they did a biopsy of my upper left quad and the results were CarnatinePamitylTransFerrous Differential type 2

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