Rantings

I turned 24 today. I feel so old :( Physically and mentally. I also started my new job today. Praying this will be a great year all around...

So I stayed home Thurs. and Fri. due to being sick. My hope was that by taking time off I would be better by Monday.

However, I am worse now than I was then! I can't go 30 seconds withoutblowing my nose or sneezing. AND I can only breathe out of one nostril. :(

I haven't been feeling well the past couple of days and I woke up with a TERRIBLE sore throat this morning. I could hardly breath. I am feeling a little better and am debating staying home again tomorrow. I am afraid that if I go back too soon I will get worse. On the other hand, we need the money....

Work has been pretty good. The bad part is that they didn't bother telling me it was part time until the day I started. They told me originally it was full time, but then when I got there they informed me it was only 4 1/2 hours a day! So now I am looking for a second job so that I'm not just working for my gas. Pretty stressed about that.

 The past week I've been in pre

I am super nervous about starting my new job tomorrow. I need all the prayers and positive energy sent my way as possible!

 

Pain is ok today. 2-3. Depression is not as bad as the past couple days. Hubby is finally awake is home for the day. This helps. I really don't know what I would do without him.

For somereason, I can feel myself getting angry with him, but there's no reason for it! I do this all the time, but usually I don't notice until it's too late and I'm already yelling and throw

I just found out my other brother is having another F*ing baby. That means both of my brothers are expecting. WTF.

I can't deal with this.

 Both of my brothers got their girlfriends pregnant at 13/14. Now they are having second babies and it has only been 2/3 years. One is 19 and the other is 20. They can't even afford to take care of themselves and the babies the

Today's a good day so far. Pain is only about a 2, which is the best it's been in weeks. Depression is not bad today at all. I'm a little blah but nothing too bad.

 I'm getting nervous about tonight though. Hubby starts his new job working as a security guard from 6p-6a. In the past when we have been apart overnight, I couldn't sleep. That means on Friday, S

So I have zero will power :( I broke down and got on facebook for like 30 seconds, just long enough to read messages (not return them!) and skim through the top part of my news feed before I made myselfget off. I am a loser :(

I have decided, for my mental health, I will be giving up facebook for a week. Maybe longer...just depends on how I feel after the week is up. I expect to experience some strong emotions- I don't know why, it's just facebook. But it's more than that to me. It's a lifeline. But it's turning into a source of depression and frustration.  Reminding me that everyone else's

I refrained from making new year's resolutions this year because the same thing happens every year. I vow to lose weight, I gain weight, I hate myself. SO this year I waited until the right resolutioncame to me.

In 2012 I will make ONE new friend. It's not asking too much, just one. This may seem like no big deal, but if you knew me, you would understand how utterly difficult thi

First I want to say thank you to all of the wonderful people who have been showing support. It really does make it a little bit better. The pain is a little better today.

I took Aleve, puton Tiger Balm Red and then put on a menthol roll-on (like Bio-Freeze).  It felt really good for about 30 minutes but the pain is slowly coming back.

 I have been researching vitamin

I spent the entire day curled up in bed crying...partly pain but mostly depression. :(

I can't stand this pain anymore! I just want to open up my shoulderblade and cut the muscle out! I have taken muscle relaxers and put on Bengay NOTHING is helping!!!!!!!! It's been non-stop 10on the pain scale since yesterday. Help anyone?????

I feel so lost. This is not my life. This is not my reflection looking back at me. It looks like me, but it doesn't FEEL like me, if that makes sense.

 The plan I made for myself allthose years ago has been lost somewhere and this life I am living looks nothing like the blueprints.