Rachele01

It's here again. Every year without fail, I fall to depression the 1st of January. I fear it ever year. I wait with anxiety as to whether this year will be different but sure enought it comes  and I'm under the dark cloud of depression again. I feel frozen in my mind and body. Fearful and indifferent to doing anything, unless I really have to do it. It saddens me  to feel like half a person. I have hopes that tomorrow will be better but most times, it's the same feelings of fighting to do the littlest of things, being such an effort. I feel very anxious and guilty when I find I don't get to things.

Don't know if I'm being too hard on myself. I could sleep all day and cry but I don't. I do some things, like work part time evenings during the week. Make sure my kids do their homework, get to school and brush there teeth. Make sure there's food in the house, even though I'm not a good cook. My house is a mess, as the kids mess it more as the week goes by and I'm overwlemed with just looking at it. I just want to feel better again. Hoping I can make it to spring and this cloud of darkness with lift. I feel like I just want to take a break from everything. Work and the stressors of that, family who call me with thier problems. Being here for members on MDJ and yet, I feel alone because there's no one who is there for me when I need help and support. Just feel sad and alone inside. I hope it passes. Spring please come and lift my spirits again.