okay well growing up in my house there was a reason everything happened it was either god or satin.. pretty easy huh..... NOPE

if we did good at school it was god whom helped us get there it wasnt us they praised it was god... if we fought with our siblings it was satin we were listening to and we had to have it smacked out of us with gods belt... (a horse whip or kettle cord none the less.) when ever we tested our parents it was god give them strength and smite us satin worshippers.

everytime i ended up in hospital with broken bones or unconciouse or concusion it was gods way of smiting me.. he was trying to save me... yeah right . my mother procalimed to be a loveing christian woman who adored her lord.. ( it may have been hers but i think she was listening to the wrong one) my stepfather didnt however hide behind a name he just hid behind alcahol.. he didnt need a excuse it was generally because i was there and he hated who they think my father is like somehow that was my fault... whatever

for these reasons over time i have seen the lords or gods name as a warning to pain physical or mental.. in my house i take responsability for my actions with my choices.. i do not have any religion but my own and it is.. treat others how you want to be treated and if there is a god they will except me if there is a judgement..

I do not ask anyone to smite anyone i do not sit and hide like my mother behind a name... i am me. and as stuffed up as my mind is i do not blame a higher force i blame my parents its their job to protect us..

I was raped at 7 by my mums old boss... ( it was him doing gods work and ensuring i was clean for my future husband) wow never hear of that now days do you...  now days someone says god bless and i get a sweat i get shaky nowdays someone says bless you after i sneeze to be polite and i reply well my parents tried everything and it failed so sure feel free..

please do not refer to god when talking to me that may be your religion but its not mine i do not mean to be rude but for reasons i have touched on my understanding of god from a child to a adult has not been the loving protecter he is made out to be to me. i am sorry if this entry has upset some people but it is wearing me down and i need to inform you uys of my dislike for the word. the meaning and that will not change no matter how sweet the people using it are... SORRY