Prayer and Reflection

When I think about what a positive turn-around in my attitude since my recent suicide attempt, I am amazed by what God and drs. can do.  I wonder if anyone else has ever prayed for the pdoc forwisdom to prescribe the right medicines and for Him to lay a blessing upon our meds?  My psychiatrist is a Christian also, so I believe it is easy for God to bless us both.  She has never made a bad call when it comes to my meds.  It was me who tapered down the Abilify and eventually stopped taking it last year.  Then add to it that,  many months I was battling with mono, had a staph infection, and inflammation in my ribs, for which I was prescribed steroids.  I should have known better but I didn't question a possible interaction until I felt hypomanic for about a month and then crashed into the deepest depression ever.  I'm very upset by the Urgent Care that the doctor was ignorant of the possible side effects of taking steroids with psyche drugs.  I am quite sure that doctors at Urgent Care and family doctors see many patients who are bipolar and should take the time to study up on this.  I mean, how hard is it to research something so important?  One wrong decision can cause a patient to become manic or in my case, extremely depressed.  I even brought all my meds to my appt. and the nurse wrote them all down!

I would like to suggest strongly that all of  consult our  psychiatrist or pharmacist before taking ANY medication for physical ailments.  This is what I learned through my experience.  What misery it brought to me for which I  I could have been spared if this doctor had more compassion for her bp patients, caring enough to prevent a total meltdown.  Us bipolars struggle so much to remain stable and we don't need care that is less than professional.  Sometimes it is difficult to find a really good family doctor.  I am sure though, that there are doctors out there who really do educate themselves for the sake or all their patients, those with mental illness or not.

On a very random note, I just took in a stray cat one week ago.  He was skin and bones, woeful eyes, in my arms,  and asking for a home.  He is everything I have always wanted in a cat.  He doesn't bother my little chihuahua even though she snips at him once in awhile.  Ah well, she has been the queen of the castle.  My kitty plays with all his toys, including the ones I made for him:  a furry mouse and several colorful pom- poms.  I put the toys in an empty tissue box and Louie loves to get the toys out and even bat the box around. Making the toys was also therapeutic for me also, as it satisfies my creative side.  I haven't done any crocheting, sewing or craft projects for over a year now. 

To make things even sillier in my life, my oldest daughter just brought me a duck for an early b-day present, for goodness sake!  He otherwise would have gone to slaughter the next day.  So anyway, I took him in, gave him a bath, named him Chuck and prepared the old goat barn for his new home.  It sucks though, that I need a hard plastic kiddie pool for him but you certainly can't buy those at Walmart  in NW OH this time of year!!

 The reason I bring up the animals is because I have always had a lovely rapport with animals of all types and I am a nurturer. Because two of my daughters are already grown up and the youngest 2 daughters will be leaving the nest before I know it,  I need  some of God's creatures to take care of.  It satisfies my maternal instincts and the best part of it all is that pets never grow up.    My animals are good therapy because I have to take care of them even though I can barely function myself.  I would never neglect an animal no matter how depressed or lethargic I have become.  As for Chuck the duck, now I have to get dressed and get outside every day because his water freezes overnight.   I have to trudge through the foot of snow left by the recent storm, and as a smoker, it leaves me huffing and puffing.  Exercise is good though, even better if I eventually kick the habit.  I think stopping addictive behaviors is especially difficult for us bp folks.  

 I talk to the squirrels and birds in the summer when I spend a lot of time on the porch swing.  Even though they don't have a clue what I'm talking about, I believe they have an innate sense of calm, love and respect from my voice.  I'm not crazy, am I?  Even if I am, it's no big deal because on my good days, I like being me.

I'm wearing my long johns under my jeans and my favorite hoodie I wear on cold days because I am heading out soon to the front yard to build a snowgirl.  First I have to spend 1 1/2 hours making a funky hat to go with the emo theme of the scarf;  black with white skull and crossbones and a pink bow.  Shit, I might even have to make some mittens as well.  Only problem is, that I don't know how I'm supposed to find sticks for arms in about a foot of snow!  I'll figure something out.  So screw the housework for now - I'm gonna go play today.  YAY!  (and no, I am not manic right now)  How dare you think so?  lmao

Love, Peace and Chicken Grease