|Jan 01 2012|
Today is a new day, of a new year. I had to come here because it has become increasingly difficult to deal with the emotions. I know that I do not want to ever go back, I know that I never will so why when he talks to me don't I do the right thing and ignore? I didn't file a PPO like I was supposed to I don't know what it is. Its almost like I am too nice or something.
I don't get jealous knowing he goes out every night, the only jealousy I feel is why can't I go out and do things with my friends? I love my children, they are the world to me and I am not the partying type but its almost like I need some type of distraction or a vacation to just do something for myself but even typing this makes me feel guilty like I am a bad mom. I have a friend in Florida that wants to fly me down just for the weekend. I have been friends with him since I was 16 and we have kept in touch. The offer is there but I am not sure yet what I want to do. I am satisfied with letting him go but for some reason I am afraid to just tell him to F OFF! He keeps hanging on thinking I will eventually come back. I will never go back. I don't want another man or relationship but I do feel really lonely. I am enjoying my freedom. Such a strange feeling this is.
My heart actually feels broken
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