pihumble

Earlier I was blaming Lithium for the shakes and being startled easily. After dong some reading yesterday, and having other symptoms of anxiety, I now conclude I have moderate anxiety. Just great, now something else to deal with, along with the Bi-polar, yet it fits.  This week I have been restless, unable to do crap, edgy, having difficulty going to sleep if at all, and the list continues. 

 

This Tuesday is the court date the State verse me, it is just an arrangement.  I have to ask for a public defender and that is scary all on its own. Now I may have to rent a car, because my truck is still in the shop, waiting for a washer no less. It has totally consumed my thoughts and fears, the thought of going to jail under the control of idiot jailers. The thought of jail leads me down the dark path, of wanting to walk into a lake, never to return.  Will I see jail time, not likely still I dwell on it in a non-health way. 

 

I may be losing my confidante of this past month and a half, its nice having someone who understands all the crap involved with the aftermath of this madness. I understand and respect her decision to withdrawn and work on her own issues. Nerveless it will be a void in my life, likely filled with loneness. 

 

This past week, I learned that Cathy might have breast cancer, waiting on a biopsy to conform.   I have been so emotionally detached this past six months; I could not console her or even give a hug. I feel like an ass, not sure what to do at the monument, we are so estranged.