|Jul 03 2012|
Still fairly mobile, although the pain keeps increasing. I just hope I can make it through Shari and the kids' visit before I get real bad again. Have called the Rheumatologist twice now, becausehe hasn't called back about switching my meds. He wants me to have an MRI and see a spinal guy about my back and hip. The strange thing is, after I ride, there is no pain at all for awhile, so I have no idea why it is hurting me so bad the rest of the time. I honestly think if I didn't have to walk so much it would get better. Just a few days of not feeding calves and watering the garden , because after I do that, I hurt like h3ll. My fingers are only doing that painful 'pop' occassionally right now. It feels just like they dislocate at the joint, no noise, just a physical pop. Scares me.
I have two roasts I am going to cook and can. I'll make beef dip for sandwiches with one and spicy burrito meat with the other. It will be a lot easier to pull a jar off the shelf than to defrost and cook something. I love that one day of canning gives me about a weeks worth of not cooking dinner. Canning is the best thing I have picked up in a long time.
I can't tell what is going on with EmmaLou. She isn't bagging up and she is due in a week. I just hope she does well with this calf. I also hope I can handle the milking, as just carrying the bucket with a gallon from the goats is difficult enough lately, but I know these are the things that keep me going and keep me strong...at least as much strength as I have. IT would be so easy to give up, and let my body just disintegrate while I sit there. No pain, no gain, they say. It's almost hard to believe I was ever healthy.
Randyman has been a prince, as always. I really don't deserve him. I also don't appreciate him enough. He made me coffee this morning before he woke me up to feed. He was pretty upset when I put the calf bottles in the boxes too early because they were bumping each other off. Sometimes I feel so stupid I can't believe it. It's not me, my brain just doesn't connect anymore like it ought to. I hate feeling helpless and dependent. I don't mind depending on God, but I do so hate depending on other people for ANYthing. Most of them let me down anyway, but then when someone IS dependable, I feel guilty because I usually let THEM down. It's a no win situation.
The beer soap sold out last nite. I need to make more so I can wash my own hair, my bar is getting smaller and smaller. I wish the new FO's would get here soon so I can get the fall soaps made and curing. This sucks running out, it stresses me out big time. I never know when I will have to stop doing something because of my health. Need to push myself to ride Mister or Wimpy today. I'm tired and have no ambition but I know it helps me physically if I do.
There is a ton of stuff I need to do, and all of it hurts. So much of it requires bending down. Some of that Cider can help with, when he's in a good mood he will hand me what I need, if only I have cheese. I can't believe my own dog won't help me without getting paid. Booger. He can't plant seeds though, or hoe weeds. THAT always costs me a bunch in pain. Oh well. The payoff might be worth it. It's all about trade off's these days.
I wonder how much the stress of politics is taking its toll on me. I can't believe they passed that damn health care bill. DO people actually believe its not going to COST us???I know way too many people who live in countries with socialistic medicine and its a nightmare. THe government never GIVES you anything..its going to cost us more than twice as much for my doctor bills now, and I will lose my power to make my own choices. I really hate that bastard. He's not just ruining what life we have left, but its going to cost Abby and Kinley everything...his family should be forced to accept the same package they foisted on all of us. Wish I could vent it at the people who did this to us and not just at myself. No wonder my blood pressure is out of control.
and day 2
Cody, Abby&Mister day1
Questions and more questions...
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