One day at a Time

Well i was going to write all the lies he told me and the anger but something interesting happened 3 days ago. Well its been one week since i heard from the ex after he told me he wasn't studying in hisclass and had to come up with a game plan...whatever that is and i was doing just fine until i got a knock at my door. It wasn't my ex's knock so i went to look, it was my ex's friend. Now when i went to see him the first time he pushed all of his old friends away literally telling them to never contact him or hang out with him ever again, one friend said 'fine' because she was fed up with his attitude (being a big ass and all that) and the other one (we will call him the drunk) didn't seem to get it. You see the drunk also has a mental illness (schizophrenia, alcoholic, drug user and an abuser both physical, emotional, and verbal). Well i warned the drunk do not go over to my ex's place even if he invited you over or if his bipolar roommate invites you over my ex is unpredictable, unstable and basically anything can set him off . Why doesnt anybody listen to me?

Well when i let the drunk in he basically told me that the ex called the cops on him (not surprised i warned him) and he couldnt understand because they were basically getting drunk and he was sleeping when the cops woke him up in the house and told him he needed to leave. I told him that my ex is not in his right mind and he said hes acting weird and i told him he's bipolar and i don't want to hear about him. He said 'didn't you guys get back together?' and i said 'do you see him here, then no. he hasn't been back here since last week and i haven't heard from him in almost a week. i told you to not go back there'  Well the drunk is homeless and never bothers to do the right thing, sober up, be nicer to his ex and get a job so he can get a place. Well he then proceeded to try and get his ex to come over and i told him its a waste of time because she doesnt want to be around you. He never seems to get it so when he got her to come over he proceeded to tell her what happened and wanted to call my ex's roommate (bipolar roommate) to find out what happen and why he called the cops on him.

It turns out the bipolar roommate moved a homeless girl into the house that my ex had slept with years prior to meeting me and refuse to have anything to do with her because she is known around the town as a very dirty person and could have any STD. The bipolar roommate was getting some from her I'm sure and i know my ex will not do anything with her but having to hear the conversation got me so emotional that i had to leave the house and the drunk couldn't understand why i was getting emotional until his ex explained that he needs to not bring up anything that has to do with my ex and to take all conversations on the phone outside. Then he decided to keep talking about my ex asking what is up with him and why he would do this to him. so i told him to leave and find some place to sleep because he isn't sleeping here, he then said and i quote 'man your acting like your ex' and i almost punched him in the face.

The next two days i refused to have him in my place and when i refused he would say 'you are acting just like your ex' and i finally blew up and said 'the next time you say anything that relates me to my ex i will punch you in the face. say anything about my ex around me and i will kick you out. you do not know what my ex has put me through' he just shrugged and went a way. later that day he and his ex came back and the drunk told me that they saw my ex at the coffee shop (he is addicted to that stuff)  and he went up there to ask him why he called the cops on him and he basically blew up on him yelling at him calling him a drunk, a homeless loser, a user and the bipolar roommate and the hussy had to drag the drunk away saying that its not a good time. they are enabling my ex's behavior because they wouldn't stand up to him...they have no backbone and when my ex goes after them they will understand why I'm not around him.  The ex said that she stayed at a distance (she was the friend that my ex pushed away also) and could just feel the negativity from him and that he looked very miserable. That was when i had this feeling that he is crashing and might have been crashing for a week now. 

I'm worried because whenever my ex crashes he comes looking for me. I don't know why whenever he runs away and leaves me he always comes back  and would talk to me about how he is sorry for what he did, how he loves me, and how he hates how he feels and wants to be a better man to me and what does he need to do? I always keep telling people that I'm not trying to change him, he keeps coming and asking me what he needs to do to stop drinking, stop using drugs, make his moods better, and how to get better grades. I always call these confrontations the final battle when he leaves and comes back and this time I'm not sure if i can say no and walk away. I can give an ultimatum and say yes but I'm not just going to say yes stupidly and just hope things will change. This forum has given me alot of help and ideas on what i need to do when he comes back because that is what happens, he always comes back. 

The drunk is gone for now, he got into trouble and is the psych ward at the hospital but they wont keep him any longer than two days. Like i said its been a week since i heard or seen my ex and now that i know he could be crashing I'm rebuilding the damage the drunk did to me and i need to keep in mind all the things my ex has said, did, and the way he has been treating me. This time things will be different and I will not be used again.