One day at a time.

Well I had to share this. Once again I went to my Grandmas who lives 10 minutes away.  I did so good this time too. I had no anxiety what so ever and it felt so normal to be there and be far frommy home. Then on the way back we went to Walmart and on our way we took some back roads and got so far and this bridge was closed. So we had to turn around and go back a different way. Normally I w

I haven't wrote in my diary for a while so I thought I would share some of my accomplishments. First off I have been leaving my house every single day and on top of that going to so many differentplaces and being gone for longer periods of time. Which is really big for me considering how last year it was hell just to go down the street or heck even walk in my back yard. 

Another

Yesterday on Easter Sunday I woke up at 7 am. When I got up I felt nauseous and my heart was racing and I just felt like how in the heck am I gonna do this today.  I thought oh this is great Iam gonna have the racing heart all day. SO I get dressed and put my makeup on and get everyone else up and tell them to get ready. I thought I am going to church and I am not gonna let this panic and

I know for me ever since I started having panic attacks I notice every littlething about my body. At first it was really bad. But as I kept telling myself that there was nothing wrong with me and I stopped fearing them as much the intensity got less.

 

I feel t

Ok so I have done so well for some time now and haven't had any really bad panic attacks or no anxiety hardly at all. I have felt energized and just in a really good mood until a few days ago. I have been really depressed at times and have had a lot of anxiety.  Today I have went into 2 panic attacks not really terrible ones but enough to scare me. 

I in a way know what is t

Here is a list of my accomplishments that I wanted to share.

1. The first week of March I went somewhere every single day.  I haven't done that in a long time. :)This included the trip10 minutes away to my grandmas house and to Walmart and a few other stores. I even went to some stores across town which I haven't done for quite some time like a year I think.

2. Last wee

Well it has been 2 years since I have went to my Grandmas house. The reason I haven't went there is because it is out of my safe zone. She lives 10 minutes away from me and well for me that is too far.

First I went to the doctors this morning for a check up and everything came out just fine and I am healthy. Then myself, my son, and my husband drove to my grandmas house. I did so good

Yesterday was quite a stressful day but yet a very proud of myself day. YOu see we just got word yesterday morning that my father in law has to have quadrupal bypass surgery. All 4 of his arteries are blocked. When we got the news I was in shock and just started crying my eyes out. I knew I wouldn't be able to travel and hour to see him and it just not only made me sad but I was so angry wi

  I have never shared my story yet so I just thought I would. There is much more butthat will come in time. As a child my dad drank a lot and was abusive to my mother. He would yell and scream and hit her. I remember being a child and being so scared all the time because I never kne

This past Saturday I decided to have a few beers which I don't do often like I used to. I used to drink a lot but in the past year I have not drank hardly at all. Drinking to many beers causes  me to have really bad anxiety and panic attacks.  That is a whole other story I will tell another time.  So this past Saturday I was feeling pretty good and decided to have  a few

Well the past 2 days have been just so bad for me. I have had the racing heart off and on all day yesterday and all day today.  If I try and do anything really strenuous I get this feeling as if I am outside in the freezing cold and my body is really tense. Thing is I am not even outside. This is the only way I can explain this feeling I get.  My heart will pound hard and then go fast. J

Well I went to my Mom's for Thanksgiving and it was so nice seeing all my wonderful Grandma, aunts, uncles, sisters, nieces and nephews.  I made it through ok other than my stomach was in knots most of the time I was there and my heart kept racing and pounding. I just felt so tense and it really was hard to deal with. I ended up not eating a thing so I just made like 2 plates of delicious

Well last week was a pretty good week until a couple of days ago. I have  just felt really depressed and confused again. My heart is fine one minute and then when I eat something it starts going fast and pounds and I want to take my beta blocker or ativan so bad but I am scared to take either so I have just had to snap myself out of it.  And then I feel fine for a while and then out of n

Well the past week or so I have been making myself leave the house once a day at least. I still always have my husband and son with me. I wonder how long this can go on like this. I am eventually sometimegoing to have to learn to go out on my own.  

      I also am so sick of being worried every time I eat, and wondering if what ever I eat is going to make my hear

I am so proud of myself.  On Sunday I went across town to my husbands Grandmas, then back across town to my moms, then went trick or treating down the entire street of my moms, then ate at her houseand was gone for a total of 3 hours. I actually felt good for once and had so much fun laughing.  I am so grateful to God that I pulled it off.  I am not gonna give up and am just gonna k

Well lately I have been trying to get out of the house as much as I can. I have been going to this grocery store, which is just about a half mile from my house and getting groceries every Saturday morning. I have went to church which is just about a half mile from my house once and I have left with my mom a few times just for a drive about a half mile from my house. I have went to my moms house wh

Yesterday I went to Arby's and did just fine, its not that far from my house of course so it's easier to go there. I get back and my day seems to be going pretty good and then after lunch Istart feeling my heart racing which I haven't had for a while. Then after about 2 hours it goes away and I feel OK and then again after dinner it starts racing and it just drove me nuts. I wish I

Well lets see in the past 2 months I have finally started going to the stores again.  I don't stay long but I have gotten full carts of groceries. I always have my husband and son with me by the way. I haven't left or went anywhere for 5 years without someone with me.  I haven't drove for 5 years except for one time about 3 months ago I took my son around the block. I need to