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nvrsubtle"Not having any local Bipolar support groups where I live, MDJuntion has given me a place in which people understand what I am going through and has given me a new outlook on life with support that is real and good. Without
the support that I receive from MDJunction, I would be wandering through
life with no one who understands me. I owe so much to MDJunction for giving
me a life line to help get me through the toughest times.
" (nvrsubtle)

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CharlotteLuren i didnt realize my Diary title was for my ENTIRE diary, nor did i realize it was permanent anyways
ive been a writer for years so ill always be adding to this
the best way to find out how i feel or what i think,
get me to write it
anyways...enjoy


Im scared...i am so scared

Jan 13 2011

 

 

i dotn know how to be angry...i swore off anger in 7th grade..i refused to be my father...

idk how to be angry..i dont know how to deal with it....

i got mad at my self for picking at my skin and had to physicaly leave the room to keep my self from throwing my special ramen bowl (i got it for xmass...yes i eat ramen THAT MUCH) across the room

and then when i original tried typing this i hit a button by accident and deleated all my work and i LITERALLY NO JOKE almost kicked my lap top....

 

im not violent...im not angry..i scares me...

and then when i try to control it...it just builds...and then all i want to do is take one of those knives on my desk and start stabbing my thighs and arms....anything to make that feeling go away....

feels like someone is literally pulling at my muscles...its like acid running through my blood...a soup like hazey fog clouds my head... my hands shake...my heart races...my muscles clentch so tight i can hardly move...my neck and back (which are already fucked up) ache...they burn...

idk how to be angry...and it scares me...

 

its all getting worse...and it scares me...i need help

i need help....im scared Will...

i need help....

 

 



Previous diary posts by CharlotteLuren:
Comments (2)Add Comment
written by peaches261, January 14, 2011
The more you hold it in, the worse it will get when you do let it out. Thats when I do physical stuff, jog, go to the gym, play loud music and jump around the room. Or I get in my car, drive down the road, pull into a parking lot and scream at the top of my lungs. Writing it out can help, but for me its the physical tension, like I'm going to jump out of my skin, that gets to me.
written by Seventeen, January 14, 2011
The best thing for you would be a way to destress. There are plenty of ways to do it. For physical stress, exercise is the best option. Swimming is my preferred method since I have a lot of chronic pain. For emotional anger, venting works for a lot of people, but not for me. I usually meditate to calm down. It takes a lot of practice to do it right, but it does work. Good luck.

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