notes on the journey

It's a beauty day out there today, and part of me wants to shitcan the idea of getting on the bus and the 3 hour ride to the city. I like being here a lot- the trees, the lake, the quiet and especiallythese days the clean, crisp, cold air and sun shining in a blue sky and reflecting off the snow...

But I need to stay connected with people- friends and colleagues - in ways that aren't digital. I need to laugh and listen and learn things in ways that can only happen face to face. I also need to start "doing things" again, like earning money and getting involved in life again.

So once again, it's time to show up, like some head-case Willie Loman with a shoe shine and a handshake, and start pitching ideas for projects. It's not new to me, but it's scarier than it used to be and that fear is the bottom line reason why I don't feel like getting on that bus.

I know that I have some good ideas for new projects, that are very viable and could be highly symbiotic for all concerned - hey, I'm bipolar... connecting dots is my superpower - but for some reason, I'm more scared than I've ever been of getting that look from people...

the one that says "OMG, there is a Martian in my office"...
or the one that's full of pity, that comes with a shaking of the head and "there he goes again..."

I need to work, for money, for the ongoing interaction with others, for the sake of my own self-image, and on and on... and I know the only way I am going to get work is if I make something happen. It's been that way my whole life...

...but I'm already feeling more than antsy, and The City is always hard on my nervous system anyway... it's going to be a long ride, and a long weekend....