So, life for me is going pretty amazing right now! It's the fourth of July, so I am going to a party tonight at the neighbor's house. I have so much to do starting the 6th. I have to work, go to appts, I am visiting a new college that I would be so excited to get into! Pray that I get in! Then, I am leaving for Mexico on the 13th to study abroad for three weeks! I think my parents finally get me. They are finally letting me do my own thing. 

So, I am living day by day. I am having the time of my life when I do it that way because I am stress free. I can only think to do one thing at a time. It stresses me sometimes to need to know what willhappen tomorrow and sometimes not having a plan. So, I take my day step by step and complete one task before starting a new one and before I know it, the day is complete. Today, I woke up and went to the house of the elderly man I take care of and did my job there. Then, I went to get breakfast and get my allergy shots. Allergy shots aren't supposed to hurt because they are subcutaneous but the lady, bless her heart, can't give shots worth anything. The reason I say that is because it hurts like an intramuscular injection and it's not supposed to. I also bruise pretty bad from them and I actually don't bruise from shots typically. Anyway, so I go home and get some rest (much needed rest as I was up because I watched Sex and the City at 1 AM. Love that show. Just never went back to bed) I got up again around 11 something because I had to go to a lady's house that I am going to be taking care of her plants and her dog while her and her family are on vacation.  After that, I was starving! I went home and asked my mom for something to eat, she told me that she had tons of stuff to do but she had a few dollars that I could go get me something. I didn't want the few dollars, I wanted her to come eat with me! I am still trying to get her to understand, I want her around. After much begging and everything, she finally gave in and brought some work with her and we ate at Applebee's. I had fun and I bought lunch for us (for anyone who doesn't understand why I mention that, there's a part of me, even though I am not a mom, that feels the need to care for people and seeing her be fed was gratifying) Anyway, I drop her off at home and I go to a store that has very unique stuff to look around. I love the store! I am wanting to go there again tomorrow and buy stuff. After I came home, I fed my animals- they are my babies....then, I was off to Wal-mart to buy cookies. I didn't end up going to Wal-mart, instead I ended up at the park walking and swinging. Hey, people, I am only 21 yrs old, after all. I just came home and after checking email and everything and getting caught up on the news, I am ready to eat. Maybe ramen noodles tonight. After, I am definitely doing more scrapbooking. I love scrapbooking. It helps me have a creative outlet and to organize my memories into a pretty album!

I have gone nights without sleeping well. I am finally starting to be able to stay awake during the day, so I can sleep at night. I stay awake by doing my laundry, talking to friends, emailing my brotherwho is in Iraq right now, and taking care of pets. I need to clean my room so bad. Maybe later I can watch a movie. I will be working this evening in the nursery for 3 hours while the mass for our deacon that just recently passed away is going on. I try and wear myself out, so I sleep well at night.

Okay, so, I have dealt with depression and mental illness for a long time. It took me years to come to terms that I could possibly even be mentally ill. I think it was because my mom would used to makecomments like "Your dad's whole family is crazy, I hope you never have a mental illness." It hurt because I think deep down inside, I always knew that there was a good chance there was mental illness. I just wanted my mom to accept me for me and not judge me based on something such as mental illness. Mental illness is looked at as being a crazy person or socially unacceptable, when in reality, it's treated the same way any physical illness is. You take pills and you go to a doctor, except our doctor is a shrink. I came to terms with it after reading an article in the college newspaper at the college I attend about mental illness (it was mental illness awareness month I believe and the person, who is now a great friend of mine, has bipolar) I have learned that yes, I may have this illness but I can still live and be normal. I have great friends that are helping me cope and I am meeting great people on this board who know what I am going through. That's something I would never be able to get from any shrink or therapist.

I am also the type to show so much love and compassion towards people that ironically, I push them away. Sure I do my share of yelling and screaming, we all do, but I am sure my mom would be quick to say I take the cake for that one. But, I would do anything for a friend or even someone I just met and I just want to be there for people, so much that I want to hang out with them constantly. I have been known to be "clingy"  and as long as I am battling my alcoholism, I might as well fight that too. I want to get to a point where I can be alone and be okay. Sometimes, when I finally feel I have reached that point my parents come back into the picture and always want me home. I am 21, I need to be independent. I know they love me but by doing that, they are doing more harm than good. So, I try and stay away from them (I am not doing it to be mean

So, I mentioned the alcohol. I am proud of myself. I am almost a whole week sober! It sounds small but for me, it's big! I can't wait for the day that I won't even have to think twice about refusing to have a drink or to not go into a restaurant and be curious about the types of alcohol drinks they have. But, I know, one day at a time.