I was talking to my best friend yesterday and she made me mad. She didn't mean to, but never the less she did. I don't love her any less for it.

We were talking about Fibro , arthritis , and exercise. She said to me you need to exercise in order to feel better. I thought ok so I want you with your back pain to go and exercise when your pain is at an all time high!

I don't like to walk because I fall all the time and the pain becomes more intense. I can't do certain exercises because of  meneires disease which causes me to feel like I'm on one of those spinning rides at the fair and can't get off!I feel nauseated 24/7 these days and I have absolutely no energy.

If I did exercise I would end up in so much pain that I would be trying to decide which is better life or death.

I told my friend, Look before all of this happend to me I was working 56 hours a week, and was 100 times more active than you are! She couldn't argue with me there!

I was always doing something before I got sick. If I wasn't at work I was with my kids at the park or walking the peoples trail down the street from my apartment. If I wasn't doing that I was doing something that involved physical activity. I used to go out dancing every Saturday night with my boyfriend. I'm a good dancer and it always brought me so much pleasure to show that off lol.

Now I have gained 90lbs and can't stand to lift my arms long enough to pluck my eye brows!

Am I depressed HELL YEAH. How could I not be. Look at what I was and have now become!

I'm scared about what the future holds. I'm scared of how all of this is effecting my children. I know that this will eventually make my boyfriend want to leave me.I'm scared I will never feel good enough to work again. I'm scared if I do get good enough to work again I will loose my medicaid and then be right back where I started (if I make some progress).

I want my life back! I'm to poor for this illness!

I'm tired of doctors not listening to me. I'm tired of worrying about finding pain releife. I'm tired of every thought I have being I want out of this pain!