|May 16 2012|
My life is getting 90% worse and 10% better. I've started to starve myself. I don't care about consequenses. My mom brought home McDonald's today. I started to eat 1 french fry. Mom wassitting by me so I just ate them slowly. When I was eating my burger I just started eating the salad first, hoping she wouldn't notice. She started to notice that I wasn't eating the entire burger so she stared at me. I ate it. I could feel my reflexes in my throat. I wanted to vomit so badly. I'm just trying to stick with 1 carrot and 1 apple a day. And of course I only drink water. As for my possible bipolar disorder, I'm meeting with a clinic in next week I think. Having to explain my life story again. They want to help with my depression which I've been battleing since I was 8-9. I haven't been on here for a while. I thought I could just keep living. Hoping things would get better. They didn't. Look at me now. Starving myself without caring if it'll mean I can die from it. I'm not religious but someone, please pray.
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