|Jun 30 2010|
Well, it has been a while since I have written. Mainly because the pain has become almost intolerable. The Lyrica is not really doing the job and I really have to make myself getout of bed, because not to leads to depression.
This weekend will probably be stressful and make my head hurt. My husband and I decided to have our friends and family come to our house for the 4th. My mother has been very self involved and has started a small scale war with my Grandmother. Her biggest thing is that she cannot be here for me because I invited my Grandmother and my Grandmother wanted to bring (how should I put this...)her beau. I could not say no without sounding mean and petty. My Grandfather died last year and my Mother is still as she put it "in the grieving stage." Which I completely understand and respect, but I needed her here to help me. Instead she has decided that she will not come if my Grandmother is here with her boyfriend. I asked her to be there for me and her exact words were "I was there raising you and I am not obligated to support you now." I am hurt. I never ask anything of her, but always put myself out to make sure she has what she needs.
My life is...shall we say complicated. Far beyond that of my medical conditons. I walk a tight line in keeping my family together. It's as if I am standing on a sea of glass and the kids on the shore line are trying to skip rocks. Every time I turn around there is a new crack and my greatest fear is that at some point in time the whole thing will fall apart. And there I would be drowing in shards of pointy glass.
Its dramatic and kind of descriptive, but it hurts like hell and is apt in the feelings that the description emotes. I am stressed and I live my life in stress. And sometimes I feel as if the very seams of my life's tapestry is disentegrating. But I'm alright. I look to my Mother in law, who has taken me in as one of her own. And when I talk to her my world gets just a little bit brighter.
I am strong and I will make it...it is just a hell of a fight that I am having to put up.
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