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Apr 26
2008
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Today I rode the bus with my best friend. She is really cool. I also filled out surveys. That was boring. Well, Anyway.....The purpose of my diary is to find new ways of coping with mentalillness. My illness started from birth.My father has BPD. He has interpersonal problems with his 6 kids. He has disowned most of us. Ummmm..... When I was growing up, I had a loser for a step-father. He was the town drunk. Ex Vietnam vet. He had major flashbacks of the war shelling. He had major P.T.S.D.. Every time he drank, He'd come home at 11pm at night and fight with my mother. He slapped her a few times. The final time, I royally flipped out on him. I ran to the kichen. Grabbed the hammer in one hand, and a butcher knife in the other. I got rid of him fast and quick.To this day, I live in fear of men. I have a hard time personalizing with men. I do not date because of the past.I have a very hard time trusting people. My cousin screwed me over. In the end, she threatened to take my life from me. Police are now involved. She was escourted to the Emergency Room for a psych eval. To this day, she does not bother me or with me. I want it that way, I am very isolative and have a hard time as times functioning out in public. I mostly stay to myself. I bother no one. I hang with two friends.They both validate me. I appreciated that from them. They are two special people in my life. I love them both as if they were my blood sisters. But, anyway,,,, Since my childhood, my step-father has been haunting me eventhough he is deceased. Scary thought.
Comments (2)
written by sallie, May 01, 2008
written by CarolynT, May 08, 2008
I had sent you a recent PM asking if you had a husband or kids and from reading your diary entry this morning I see that you do not. So glad I read it.
SIncerely, Carolyn
SIncerely, Carolyn
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Have you ever entered some counseling to help rid you of this hold from that creep step father? You deserve to free yourself of that...counseling or hynotherapy may do that. You don't want to give your power to him, and you are...even tho he is dead, his ugly old arm has a hold around your throat, darlin!!! I hope you consider working on this to clear up that part of your pain