|Aug 23 2010|
I have been a slug all day. I decided to finally get something to eat and that backfired on me.
I am generally on a gluten-free diet but have fallen off of that lately and my stomach isrebelling. It's time to make that climb back up onto the wagon.
This summer has been a nightmare with sicknesses and deaths. It's hard to get out of this damn flare when something big happens every week. I NEED to get out of this flare.
Damnit, I don't know how. I have depression feeding the FM and FM feeding the depression. It's all so frustrating. Hence the name I chose.
It fits me both physically and mentally.
I haven't seen my therapist since May. It seems like the more I need therapy the less I attend. I know I need to go but all I want to do is hide. I hate being like this.
I even started smoking again. Yeah only one a day but still I really shouldn't be doing it at all. Oh but it feels so good to smoke that one cigarette at night on my porch all alone in the dark. Only my dog running back and forth from the porch looking at me like "what is that smell??" lol
It won't be forever, it's just a little crutch I need right now. One thing I have control over. One small thing.
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Why does everything have to be so damned hard?
what I've dealt with so far...