my survival

I wonder having bipolar disorder makes me think that i am going crazy?

Hi everybody! i would like to say if you are reading my log please feel free to make a comment. I would like some feedback, thanks and have a great day.

I get a funny feeling it comes from deep inside I get all mad and angry wanting to go and hide my doctor calls it depression my mom says it's just me but the thoughts and feelings no one will ever be able to see

Some say I'm psycho some say i'm just weird it's like i'm a different person and the old me just disappeared. I get really edgy i wan

I held the knife so close to my heart like a foolish child i sat and i cried didn't realize what i had done what i had tried tears mixed with blood, falling slowly to the ground coveredin blood, pulled myself up in tears scribed "To those who don't care, to those who can't see, never give up always thrive to be free."

Didn't know how man

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a woman it feeds on loneliness and creates avoid gray shadows haunt and torment and torture a woman is stricken and destroyed there is no soundof laughter or happiness here

The little one has thrown in the towel today somber, melancholy moods decay the soul it is futile to hope and drean and pray emptiness builds a home in

What is wrong with some men of today their game of love is a dangerous play they threaten to hit some actually do they say it's my fault but can it be true? Did i do something to causethis fate or can it be that he's full of hate?

He can't control his temper and that is a sin to blame it on me is just a whim to make him feel the fault isn't h

There she lye upon the window pain wasting away in all her shame no one knows the trouble this child sees for she keeps to herself this is not tease she feels alone in her own home momsno where to be seen she's off getting stoned

She tries to hold in the pain for she cannot her molestation is on the brain with that the door swings open and a man with eyes lik

Transitioning

Breathing crying slowly dying waiting as time ebbs and flows watching as the time goes despairing his uncaring despite my unerring attempts at sharingthinking blinking sinking breathing in and sighing wanting to say and shying away

Mumbling stumbling fumbling hearing his threats I can't leave yet quietly talking gently rocki

I could no longer stand dividing myself against my wants and your needs. So i left. Now I am free and the work begins of reuniting myself to myself. I am better than I have ever been andi must remind myself on days when i feel defeated that i still stand. I still bloom. And whether it is SPLIGT-ME or TOTALLY-TOGETHER-ME, the blood of Christ sustains and nurture All.

Time etching my life in my own limbs family roots and memories moments

Love, fear, laughter, screaming

Healing, forgiving, growing

stalling, falling, trying to stand.

Helping each other up, holding each other down

Support, sadness, truth

Healing and remembering love

From early on, before I was one crying out loud was not allowed, no matter what was said and done. This demon followed me through life until about a year ago. At last, because of spiritand grace, my branches still reach to heaven, Each tear released more fear and fed my roots somehow. Only God knows how. Today when I cry, it is for the now. Living in faith and crying out loud!

Feel your pain CRY

close your eyes PEACE

Lay your head REST

Touch another's hand SUPPORT

solidify your stanceSTRENGTH

Search your beliefs COMMIT

Love's true vpice will be heard

long days fog will clear

absent rainbows will a

Here is one last poem that i have written is what i am feeling today..........

It's called Darkness:

Darkness, be my companion come and place your cloak over me

bring me comfort and silence. Tell no one of the sorrow I feel, give me quiet peace. Take away life's burdens, the heaviness of the spirit within. Turn my eye

This is a poem that i have written about my inner self who went through so much pain and suffering.........

I knew you were hurting although you wouldn't cry, andcould see you were suffering, see the pain in your eye i wanted to comfort you, to hold you, be with you that day, you looked so helpless and frail while in bed you did lay.

I watc

Staring out the open window feeling trapped and so alone wondering what life was like outside the four walls of her home it had been such a long time now since her freedom she had lostshe had fallen for an abuser and now she pays the cost she thought if only she had the courage and confidence she lacked then it would be so easy to walk away and never again look back

I can hardly see now out of my left eye and slowly it's going to my right as well. The pressure is building up slowing into my head and the pressure is extremely painful i had triedall  kinds of meds but nothing seems to work. I lost feeling in my left arm and partial on my right. I am still waiting on the dr next month for an operation i tried to go to emergency rooms but

yesterday i went to class still not feeling myself. My head feeling clod up with fluid. I usually not a person who would cry or a crier. But for some reason i went to therapy at my schooland started reading one of my poems to my therapist. And there it happened i started to get teary eyes and began to bawl out like a big baby. Reading that poem of mind gave me so much emotion i did

today i woke up not feeling myself. I felt numb all the way down to my toes. Kinda feels like i am paralized. All i could feel is the pressure building up in my head and spine. I am in constant pain. I have tried all the headache meds i could fine but the pain is still there. I am waiting on my surgery date to take place. It sucks that i have to have another shunt replacement. Especially, when i j

Hello everyone i am going to walk you to my life story...Are you ready? Here we go.....I was 18 and in high school when i first found out about my illness. I was having so many blackouts, bloody noses, and headaches that i didn't know what was wrong with me. Until, i had started to complain so much to my parents that they finally decided to take me in for a check up. I was seen