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  "I had to give up a pregnancy with Downs Syndrome in 1999 and I need hope right n..." (believe9410)

MDJunction to me

neshama48"Having Crohn's Disease for over 26 years, in the first few years, it lonely and isolating.
Though now my disease is in a near perfect remission, my friends and family are sympathetic to me, but I can not talk to them about this disease. When I stumbled across MD Junction, and met others who had the same disease I was not alone in battling the disease. MD Junction is like a second family, without the judgement or guilt of having Crohn's Disease, but they do give you love and support.
" (neshama48)

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MadMaze Major depression w/ bipolar tendencies and Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia

Another low day...

Apr 14 2012

   I'm really getting sick of Texas... My parents have left for a week to babysit my niece since my brother and his wife are going on their honeymoon. I'm so sick of cleaning and cooking and taking care of my son, and getting nothing back for it...not even happiness. I love my son, but I was not cut out for motherhood. I have no patience and I need time to myself. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. Nothing really catches my interest anymore. I have no energy (as usual). I'm so dependent and so sick of it. I want to be self-reliant. I want to enjoy the little things. I want to not get pissed off at every little thing that throws me off..

   But in this world you need money, and I have none of that. You need a job, and I've only had 4 (lasting a month or less) and have too much trouble finding a job. You need support, and my only support is my best friend in Louisiana. You need purpose, you need drive, you need goals... The only drive I have is getting through another day, and its not the best because everyday is hard.. I want to not feel alone. I want to be happy. I want to be employed and financially stable. I'm only 22 and life has gotten to me already..what does that mean for the years to come? Because it doesn't get better, it just gets harder..

   They all think I am selfish and lazy...when Ive spent most of my life trying to make everyone else happy, when I've done hard work that I never got any thanks.. I do my best and it is never enough. I just want to be happy.... 

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