Everyday I look at my handsome two year old son a million thoughts run through my head. I try and let all my love for him beat off all the stress and heartache I feel.The thing is, I don't want tolook at him and feel sad for him. I want so bad to look at him and see a normal child, and sometimes I still tell myself that maybe just maybe he is normal and he really does not have autism. I don't know when and if the pain is ever going to go away, but I want it to go away. I can't even talk to anyone about him without breaking down and crying until it hurts. I try my hardest not to think why this is happening to me or most of all him, but that thought is with me more than I want it to be. No parent ever wants anything to be wrong with their child and no parent thinks it will be their child there is something wrong with. No one can really teach you how to cope with it. But I do know one thing and that one thing keeps me going though all of this. That is my precious baby boy. I am going to do everything I can to help him and I am going to love him with all my heart. And i am never going to give up on hoping that someone will find out what causes autism and will come up with some type of cure.