I've lost my mind.

Yesterday I was feeling kinda like I was going manic, but I keep crying for no reason.  I looked at my 6 year old sleeping and lost it.  No reason.  Just lost it.  I just want to die.  I have slept for 14 hrs today, and would go back to bed if I thought I could sleep.  But, no, I'm up with my stupid head doing it's stupid thing:  Thinking.  About any stupid thing it can to cause me more pain.  "Remember this stupid thing you did way back when?  How about that?  Not very nice was it?"...I can't stand it anymore.  My house is a disaster, years of laundry piled up, all of the dishes dirty, and I'm a Mommy.  A damned poor excuse for one, anyway.  Oh dear God this pain is intolerable!  I feel like my soul is dying.  But, I have to put on my "game face" because I don't want to alarm the kids, they've been through enough with me anyway.  They sometimes see me breakdown and it makes it worse.  They know of my dx, and I've educated them about it the best I can, but they're just kids.  I wonder if part of this horrible depression is SAD?  We just moved back the clocks, and it gets dark so damned early...it's a thought anyway.  Enough of me whining.  I think I'll listen to some music now.  See if that helps.