i dont know

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My reflections on love... - Home Feed

My reflections on love... - sugarluv's Diary

Oh, these endless nights.... Who is this man? All I have are photographs that seem to tell a story of the life of a troubled youth through to his adulthood. I can see he is different, special. He is beautiful in appearance and yet when I look in his eyes something is missing, they seem unhappy, there is something unfulfilled, a basic need.

Mental illness left undiagnosed can cause so much anguish. Sometimes just knowing what is wrong can help us fight another day.

The pictures chronicle his early adult life. I see in him unconditional, self sacrificing love for his son. In fact, it shows in his son. He looks so happy, so adorable. He seems bathed in love like Jehovah meant for us all to be...

This man appears to be such a loving, dedicated father and very affectionate. Why is this so hard for most men to show to their children? My earliest memories of my father were happy times, he was affectionate and loving. This is so necessary for children.

As the years go by, the unhappiness seems to become more apparent in him. His looks change, his weight is up and then down. The funny thing is, whether he is slender or muscular/stocky he looks gorgeous, esp. when he is muscular with extra weight, very sexy. Sorry, got off topic.

If only I could give someone back the years they lost... that is my ultimate wish. But I can help them to flourish and prosper now through showing true love. Without it, the human spirit is just broken. It is just existing but it is not living.

Living without love for a period of time makes you appreciate what a beautiful, precious gift it is, in fact, in my opinion, it is the most important lesson to learn about life because without it life just isn't worth living.

If I love again, it will be with my whole heart, it is a gift, such a privelege to have and yet people throw it away so easily.

All I have are photographs but since a picture is worth a thousand words, I am sure I will have more insightful thoughts to write in my diary. Bye for now

"You say you're happy and you're doin' fine
Well go ahead, baby, I got plenty of time
Sad eyes never lie-" Enrique Iglesias

Jun 14

2008

i dont know

wow, today the new guy that supposedly loves me really really hurt me, he didnt give a damn. this guy told me he would do anything for me, take care of me, do whatever it takes. i want to vomit because today he became another daniel. "i dont give a shit if you go home and kill yourself, fuck you"

1. I feel like i have two choices, accept the fact that i am unlovable and spend my days figuring out a suicide plan.

2. marry billy, i dont love him, he isnt beautiful, but he does not have the capacity to hurt me. he just doesnt. i would not be hurt anymore and then maybe i would feel loved, yah maybe that is it. if someone doesn't hurt you then you finally feel loved.

it seems really weird, it is not like i am scared of dying, it is that i am scared of being resurrected. what is that gonna be like? this world is all I have ever known? it will be really weird, really scary

life is so hard, i hate my job, my boss is mean to me and now i get to walk around with a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach because my heart is broken once again.

i am scared of ever having to speak to my ex again. i hate him so much. he thinks someone else will come along and mend my heart and then that will ease his conscience. there is something so sickening in that reasoning, i hate hate hate this world. i love my family but i still hurt from the emptiness inside, i just cant go around depressed and missing something anymore, 34 years is to long, well i had 12 good years, i guess. i refuse to live the rest of my days without a man that truely loves me, it is so unfair. i think i am going to kill myself when i am 36 like my aunt raina did, if i can wait that long.

what is love? to me it is self sacrifice, doing whatever you have to for the other person. that is true love. i am starting to hate the words, i love you cause they are so easy to say and they mean nothing

Comments (1) Add Comment

wow
written by bejeweled, June 15, 2008

First, don't every marry someone you don't love. I did it TWICE. LOL. I promise you there is NO WAY it will ever work.
Second, living well is the best revenge.
Third, at some point I had to ask myself what I was so scared of in being a lone. Once I was able to answer that question and face the fear - bad relationships lost power.