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mobey"MDJunction has become a lifeline to my recovery. I use this site as a daily coping tool where i can share my thoughts,my fears and ask ways to cope with living life with a illness. I also found new friends here and they have restore my faith in humanity. People everywhere come here to share same problems or solutions to problems we encounter in our lives. MDjunction is a wonderful site and has help not only myself but also my family and friends. I recommend this site to anyone who thinks they are alone dealing with an illness and also to those who have love ones who suffer from illnesses. I will keep spreading the word about MDJunction to organizations who deals with illnesses that would benefit having MDjunction as a support system.Bottom line is.. I found myself again through MDJunction" (mobey)

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XtremeTalentBiz Hey everyone! This is my diary for you guys to read and I'll keep in it my thoughts, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and moods. Maybe along the way it'll help you guys out too!


Monday, September 14th, 2009, 2:08am

Sep 13 2009
OK so here I am lying in bed freaking out. My surgery is in 5 hours and 28 minutes. I'm freaking out about what I'll be feeling when they give me the Twilight and then of course there's thatlittle thought that says, "YOU'RE A SMALL PETITE PERSON! YOU COULD DIE! YOU'RE SO WEAK AND IT'LL KILL YOU HAVING SUCH A BIG PROCEDURE DONE!" and Myles and mom keep pushing it on me. "Oh you'll do fine, you'll be OK." Easy for them to say. I already have it planned though. If I cannot go through with this, I'll just walk up the street to AJ's house and sneak into his room. Once he wakes up I'll just tell him I'm staying there for an hour or two and he'll be fine with it. He'll tell me to just not get caught which of course I won't. But this is so nerve wrecking. I'm numb and freaking out. I mean what will I feel during the procedure? How will I act? If I fall asleep, what will I dream about? If I do stay awake, how long will the surgery seem like it's taking? Will I be able to move my head and arms? I mean Jesus, I need some help here. They expect me to just eat it on this and go through with it. The doctor and mom know of my last surgery and my dizziness and my anxiety so why don't they atleast pretend to care? I'm just like totally freaking out here!

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