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My own punishment

Today i feel like most days! NOTHING, yet my mind is active, i feel like i self inflict my own anxieties, almost like a self punishment. I try that positive thinking thing, but i am just saying positive things because thats what i have told myself to do! strangely i can spend endless mind hours thinking about my self indulgent negative thoughts, never knew i was so good at it until i stopped working and had too much time on my hands! Took my tablets at 6pm, b y 8pm was feeling crap and the intrusive thoughts tried to sneak in. Over the last few days suicidal thoughts have passed through my mind, just thoughts, but there all the same. Least its peaceful at home right now, being around ppl is becoming increasingly more difficult, going ou alone is becoming increasingly difficult as well........

My own self indulgence

May 10 2012

Today i feel like most days! NOTHING, yet my mind is active, i feel like i self inflict my own anxieties, almost like a self punishment. I try that positive thinking thing, but i am just saying positivethings because thats what i have told myself to do! strangely i can spend endless mind hours thinking about my self indulgent negative thoughts, never knew i was so good at it until i stopped working and had too much time on my hands! Took my tablets at 6pm, b y 8pm was feeling crap and the intrusive thoughts tried to sneak in. Over the last few days suicidal thoughts have passed through my mind, just thoughts, but there all the same. Least its peaceful at home right now, being around ppl is becoming increasingly more difficult, going ou alone is becoming increasingly difficult as well........

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