My new life, one I don't want

I still have that vision from time to time. I think if I am going to kill myself I will do it that way. What an awful thought that is. I received a message from a woman named Susan on here. She gave mesome advice and was really reaching out to me. I think she honestly cared about me. She gave me some good advice and tried to make me feel better. I am going to share my thoughts with Robin. I think I need to share it with someone. Maybe that is the best thing. I told her yesterday I may "forget" what happened that day when I go to court. Robin got upset with me,said I would be under oath. I am going to stop now, I am going to eat some noodles. I have been losing weight since it happened in september. everyone is concerned, so my doc gave me a med to make me eat. i am going to eat something.