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My new life, one I don't want

I am going though a living nightmare and I want to wake up.

Alive But Dead in 2012

Jan 04 2012

Here we are in a new year. Its 2012 and while I am alive I am dead. My son is still in jail and we have a court date for the 31st. Its just gonna be a pleminary thing but still I have to go and see myson. He faces 5-25 years for trying to kill me. I should hate him,despise him, but I can't. I am not allowed to contact him in any way. I am alive but dead. I miss him so. I am alive yet dead..so dead inside. I had wished I was dead and I thought about committing suicide, but I promised Dave I wouldn't and so I can't. I am alive but dead. I am a true walking dead person.

Previous diary posts by habdab6067:

Numb
Numb
Am I a bad mother or is he a bad son???
How do you tell someone your falling into a deep d...
Alone

Alone
Once Again The Victim Is To Blame
God Has Given Me MORE Then I Can Handle
I can't take this
This house is quiet

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by mchumley, January 06, 2012

I feel for you. I am so afraid my son will be your son someday. He is only 7 but he is so angry and has no reason to be. I will pray for you and your son. You are alive and you will continue to live and he is still your son and always will be. I wish I knew what else say something wise and prophetic. Just know you are not alone.

written by habdab6067, January 11, 2012

Thank you so much for your kind words. Please please please just remember to always love your son no matter how he acts. While you may think he has no reason, have you asked him why he is so angry?? i did that with my son,and while I thought it wasn't a reason it was in his eyes. Remember that YOU know your child better then ANY doctor out there. Do you think or has he been diagnosed as bipolar? If so, my I suggest HIGHLY that you get the book "THE BIPOLAR CHID". It was my bible and a bible for all parents of bipolar children. There is also the book called THE EXPLOSIVE CHILD, I suggest you get that as well. you must be your child's voice. I too will keep you and your child in my prayers. You have a long road to walk. know that I am here for you. My child started having problems around 8-9. As long as I was in control of Spencer's care, we managed as well as we coould. However when he became a man he made his own decsions and ended up in jail. Are you a single mom? I was and that was alot of my son's feelings since his dad wanted nothing to do with him. I always told him his daddy worked far away ut loved him. I am here for you as you were here for me