Today was tough. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that the person at work I care for the most is dying. The encephalopathy is getting worse. I don't know what to do. I feel hopelesssometimes because they just dismiss me, I'm overly concerned. But damn it, there's something to worry about. I know he can't be saved, but can't they do something? This destroys me. It's like "Let's see, we'll just kill him off." If I were family I'd have the right to fight for him. Damn it. If only I could contact them. And if only they cared. Maybe one of the kids does, they just don't know where he is or how to contact him. Maybe they secretly miss him and want to see him. If I were more than just a caring staff member, I could be involved in his care plan, help make some of the big decisions. I could also be a major pain in the ass and make sure things were done as they should be. But no, I'm just the little therapy girl who can't do a damn thing to help him.

T his sucks but it's worth it to see him smile. And thats what I have to keep reminding myself of. That smile is worth any bit of pain caring for him may cause in the end.