My life

well my life is a roller coaster from hell its up and down allday my mood swings are crazy if i could hold one for 3 hours i would be happy i some times enjoy my mood swings and my voices i mean i am never by myself but its a hard situation to be in because i have no emotions i have left everything behind and put my relationship on hold so i can focus on my self i mean i cant lead a relationship with anyone right now i mean my life is hard enough let alone deal with the added stress of my life and trying to do the right thing for bot me and my s/o i truley wish my mind was where it needed to be but it seems to want to do what ever it wants i know all this is ranting and raveing but i just dont know how to express what i truley feel cause i dont seem to feel anything...so i alone now for the first time in years and i must say i dont know if i like it but i am gonna go away for a while gonna go a few states away and try to get myself back on track years ago i was one of the most stable ppl you would ever meet i was off all meds well i took one antidepressant but that was it and in these years i divorced 2 times and went from one relationship to the other never anythime to get rid of the emotional baggage from any of them...and i lost my baby sister to a car crash and so far i am on my way down and down  with no luck of looking back up yet...