My Life

My brother called me today. My brother is 17 years older then me. He moved out shortly after I was born. My Mom had me when she was 35,which was considered "old" back in the 70s for a woman to be having a child. So growing up we werent really close,I was a little girl,he was a young man. We became closer after my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. Her death brought us closer together. I had only saw my brother cry once before my Mom passed. He is a strong "manly" man. I have a sister as well,who 11 years older then me,and we are not very close. The day my Mom passed,we were all there. My brother did not cry. The day of her visitation,he did cry. The day of her funeral,I was sedated,and my brother told my husband and my Dad,my parents divorced when I was 5,to stand behind me at the grave,because he was quite sure I was going to pass out. I remember them standing there,one hand on each arm,holding me up while I sobed. My sister cried,yet my brother didnt cry. At the end of the graveside service,I was 1 of the last to leave the grave,after my husband carried me to our car. My brother and his wife were the last ones standing there. It was then that my brother cried,when he was alone. He was a rock,worrying about me and my sister,making the arrangements. I remember sitting in the car,and watching my big strong brother sob.  I wanted to go back,hug him. But I didnt. He needed to be alone with his grief,and my Mom,and I understood

Today he called to see how I was doing. I told him the truth,not well at all. He listened to me cry,told me it was going to be OK. He said he and his wife were sending me giftcards so I could buy the girls back to school things. What a relief! But it also made me feel bad. My brother is well off financialy,not a rich man,but very comfortable. I know this is not going to cause him to go without,yet I feel guilty. It is my job to provide for my children,not anyone elses. I am angry that I cannot do it. But grateful to him for his kindness and financial contibution. I asked J to help me buy school things,but he said he has no money to help. So thank you God today for my brother. Now my little girls will have new shoes and cute outfits,like all of the other kids on the first day of school. Thank you dear brother,I love you.