|Oct 02 2010|
I was so excited to go see the pastor this morning to schedule my baptism. My mother was going to take me to a church not too far away, but in the opposite direction of where we usually go. He was waiting there for us. But dammit I could even get in the car. I stood there a nervous wreck for 40 minutes while my mom tried to persuade me to get in the car! I was crying and feeling nauseous, it was terrible. Finally she cut the car off and let me go back inside. What has this disorder done to me? I didn't think I had all that much freedom to begin with, and now it's taking what little I had left!
I am so discouraged. Devastated. I need to find a way to feel empowered, like I know I can control this. But it's hard to feel that way when this anxiety is most humbling.
Just wanted to vent. Hope you all are doing well. God bless you
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