My Journey

Well I went to the doc this morning because of my PVC's with my heart. They've gotten worse and it's racing a lot more too not connected with anxiety so she put me on Cardizem which is a calciumchannel blocker. I was on Verapamil (calcium channel blocker also)  for 2 years prior and I hadn't had 1 panic attack while on it and was pretty much able to do what I wanted so I am ho

Well i've kind of let myself slide! I've been gone from MD junction for almost a week I think! Geesh lol. I've been feeling pretty good actually! I can say I feel like myself most the timenow days which is WAY better than I was a month ago! Thank you Zoloft for giving me my life back for the most part! I still have the impending doom thoughts of course and the What if's and am I dy

Yay it's Friday! I love weekends. Well for the most part. I'm kind of scared for tomorrow. A friend of mine is getting married and i'm expected to go to the reception. Thats a lot of people! And it's 1/2 hour away. I don't really want to go but I feel that I have to which makes me more anxious! it doesn't help my husband doesn't want to go either and he's no help

Man I am just pissy again today! I feel all tense and very very agitated! I think i'm going to have to go from 25 mg of the zoloft up to the 50 mg my doc wanted me on. Maybe I take 25 mg and a 1/2 of another 25mg to start with before making the big jump to the full 50mg because the last time my brain raced and I felt not wonderful. I mean it was tolerable but not something I enjoyed. I am s

Right now i'm having one of those..Just want to feel normal moments. I don't want to have to think about taking my vitamins at 6:30 and my Zoloft at 7:30. I don't want to worry about beingin a bad mood because said bad mood could put me into a panic. I don't want to take medicine. I don't want to have anxiety and I don't want to have panic attacks. I just want to be the me

Ugh...really disappointed! It's raining which means no birthday fire for me again this year! Every year the weekend before my birthday I try to have a fire and every year it's windy and rainy. Why can't I have just one year where it's a beautiful sunny 50-60 degree day? Just my luck I guess.

On a brighter note I went out shopping yesterday alone for 3 or 4 hours just brow

Well it's Friday and i'm in a good mood! Woo hoo! lol. I decided last night to go back down to the 25mg of zoloft instead of the 50 and I feel almost like myself today. I've got a birthdayfire planned for myself tomorrow night and I don't want to be not feeling good because i'm getting used to the 50 mg so I figured i'd ride this 25 mg out for a few more days and then de

Hmm so last night I started my first 50mg dose and wow talk about racing thoughts! I had a hard time getting myself to sleep and then this morning when I woke up the racing thoughts immediately returned. UGH! I hate getting used to new medicines! Other than that I just have the shakes but i'm assuming both the mind racing and the shakes will go away once I get used to the dosage. I hope anyway

Ugh..I think i'm glad that it's time today to move up to 50mg. My brain just doesn't feel as at ease as it did the past couple of days. I feel foggy and cloudy and kind of derealized today:( And the jaw clenching has begun along with the vivid dreams. oh and dizzy..man I keep having these dizzy flashes and then in between i'm just mildly dizzy but it could be from lexapro withdrawa

Well..i've been on 25 mg now for 5 days and I feel pretty good actually. I feel like myself :) Thats a plus! I've had no side effects from the 25 mg that I know of which in itself is amazing! I've also had no panic or even feelings of being anxious except for near time to take another dose in the evening. Wednesday I will go up to the 50 mg. Hopefully that change will go as well as

Lol so last night when I was taking my 2nd dose of zoloft I discovered something funny! The pills are 50mg lol. So the first night I took 50mg no wonder I felt so relaxed. So last night I cut it in halflike I was supposed to and only took the 25mg.  I still feel fine today..this is odd..I keep waiting for the not good SSRI feeling to hit....i'm in a good mood though and don't feel anx

Well I took my first dose of Zoloft last night. It went pretty well I think. About 2 hours after I took the 25 mg dose I started to feel real relaxed! It was nice for once to not feel the tension i've been feeling for the past 3 months! Hopefully this medicine keeps on this same track. I didn't feel any nausea either that I know of either. All I feel this morning is a bit jittery. So all i

Hmm today doesn't seem to be a wonderful day. Yesterday about 4pm I started to feel anxious and the muscles in my legs tensed up and my stomach is out of sorts. Well it's continued on totoday! Last night I laid in my room reading a book with a lavendar and cedarwood essential oil candle burning hoping that it would help relax me but evidentally not enough. I'm still the same way

Hmm well what can I say about today. I feel "ok" I don't feel bad and I don't feel good..just ok. I guess thats better than bad lol.Today i'm wondering if taking my multi vitamin with B6 and B12 is helping! I hope so. In a week I don't want to change SSRI'S. So i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this Lexapro/multi vitamin concoction works!  

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Well today is 3 weeks of being on Lexapro. Week 1 I felt nothing different. Week 2 I had some pretty good days where I could almost believe that I was going to be myself again. Week 3..well lets justsay i've been in depersonalization mode all week and have even had a few hours of racing thoughts. I'm starting to wonder if 1 more week is going to make a difference. I've been like th