Why's How's If's What's and When |
Aug 12 2010 |
All those words run through my mind daily.What did I do to cause Fibro and RA and seizures,bladder failure? Why cant I catch a break? How can I take care of my family on daily basis? If tomorrow will be better? When am I going to catch a good break in this rough cycle of life? So many questions and not enough answers.I just want normal but I dont know what normal is any more.I want to play football w/my son,ride bikes but its like ok do it and suffer or not do it and see disappointment on his face. I want to go on motorcycle runs w/hubby,dancing or just long walks. I feel they deserve so much more than I can offer and do with them. I dont let anyone see the tears,hurt and frustration and sadness. They dont need more on their plates besides what good would it do? (none) Here it is another sleepless nite not feeling real good and the meds aren't working on the pain. Going to go take a hot shower and then go count chihuahuas and hopefully fall asleep.
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Have a sincere talk with your family, the longer you postpone it the wider the gap between them and you will become. The love you and should be there for you, all that sadness and frustration is not something you should be burdened with, and, believe me, it makes a world of difference once you've shared it. Once you've talked about it with them, you'll be able to be there for them more, and vice versa. There'll be less disappointments for them too, since they'll know it's not that you don't want, it's just that you can't. I know it's hard telling to your child that you are not invincible, but he needs to hear it, he needs to understand what's going on, or else he'll make his own conjunctures about it and it'll be far worse, remember that children tend to blame themselves for everything wrong that happens in the family. Won't it be much better that he understands that you are ill than thinking that he is bad and that's why you don't do stuff with him anymore?
Best of wishes, I hope the best comes to you whatever it is you choose to do.
Hugs
Paula
(if you need to vent, you can always PM me, I'm on line most of the day