|Jul 10 2012|
Jim is fine. Getting his strength back gradually. Blood counts are holding their own though Dr. A is watching his labs closely these next three months to see where the iron stores remain ornot. If they drop, he'll need to repeat the iron infusions. I had thought he was so well, he wouldn't need a hematologist any more. Starting to get papers in the mail on Medicare. That is a good thing. Wish Social Services would get the medicaid in the mail!!!!! What is so frustrating with him is not related to the cirrhosis. It's the frigging jealousy that has been present since we began dating, literally! Clue...do not date/marrry a woman 14 years your jr. and then freak all the time she may get tired of you! I've cleaned bed pans and fretted and cried and fought and whatever the past four months. I love you. Can you get over your insecurities? I cannot be tied to your hip, though. Especially these rough times when I too, need a break. Seriously, I feel like I am going to be the one to drop dead from stress and anxiety! Besides taking care of a seriously ill husband and fighing social services for medicaid and trying to find providers who will take a self pay patient and keeping up with the house and the yard and the autos and cooking and cleaning, and caregiving; now I need to face the real thought we are running through our savings at an alarming rate! I have not been in the job market for more than eight years; am now 50 and no clue where to begin to look for a job. Can I earn enough to cover someone providing care for Jim while I work? It's so scary and I carry the burden alone. Tried a career switcher course and the results, Epic Fail! Oh well....I'll do what I've done my entire life. Pick myself up, brush off the dust, and keep on trucking. Inside, a bit of me is lost each time. Once in a blue moon, I wish someone would ask, "how are you?" and mean it.
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