|Mar 28 2009|
I have been soooo depressed lately. And not only depressed but I have the chronic pain of fibro to deal with too. Was one thing not enough, I had to have bipolar and fibro and all the othershit too? I've just laid on the couch all day. I watched A Beautiful Mind. I relate so much to John Nash. Maybe a little too much. The delusions, the hallucinations. Been there, done that. Not to the extreme that they portray his but I've had them. (I'm not sure I'm even forming complete sentences, that's how depressed I am.) I emailed a friend and was telling her I was watching the movie. She said she didn't like it, he was a "nut". Wow, that hit between my eyes. If he's a nut, am I a nut? Maybe so in her mind. Is her perception of mentally ill people that they are all nuts? She knows I have bipolar. Am I supposedly the exception to her rule or something like that? I don't know. But her comment has changed my perception of her a little bit. Maybe she's not as open minded as I thought. We'll see.
I managed to get up and do a little today even though all I wanted to do was lay on the couch with the blankets over my head and cry. I took a shower and even dried my hair. Wow!! I loaded and started the dishwasher. I scrubbed the mud out of my daughter's new shirt. It's white and she rode her bicycle through muddy water. We all know what happens when you do that. I started a load of clothes. My hands hurt like hell from scrubbing. They hurt typing. But I'm doing it anyway. I have to do something to get out of this depression, if possible. It might be just the bipolar and I need to do some meds adjustment. I haven't done that for quite a while. We'll see.
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