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"Recovering from anorexia nervosa" (Milty4122)

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My Diary

So angry...so sad

Apr 05 2010

I cannot for the life of me seem to be able to get out of this funk lately! I don't enjoy doing anything anymore. All of my favorite things just suck: reading, sitting out in the sun, playing on the laptop, doing yardwork, listening to music....nothing! I just can't do anything anymore.

I went bike riding with my boys yesterday. Sure it was enjoyable, but was I happy? Nope. I just feel so alone even when I'm with my boys. Saturday I just kept falling the floor retching with sobs. I couldn't stop. I wasn't feeling sad about anything in particular....just sad.

It's like I am a shell of the person I once was. Now the only way for me to get up and be happy is if we are drinking. I mean I am always more outgoing while drinking, but gah it seems that is all that makes me FEEL...I guess that's the best word for it. I hate everything about everything...

Previous diary posts by slamm311:

I feel like a fake
My rant continued

Another day, another nickel

Comments (1) Add Comment

written by slamm311, April 05, 2010

Thanks dear

I know, the bottle is bad. I've been really, really good with the not drinking. My hubby and I went out Saturday and drank a bit with friends. That just seemed like the only time I was happy lately. I should have said all that in different words. Makes me look like that's all I do is drink...I used to. But I am getting better. Maybe all this crap is withdrawls? Who knows...