|Jun 26 2012|
But it wasn't. I started the day with a positive attitude. Went for an hour's cycle and felt great, it wasn't until breakfast when I had my first anxiety attack, "what can I eat thatwon't make me want to throw up?". I went with a yoghurt, low fat of course. I am looking for a healthy way of recovery, I really am, but carbohydrate based meals: e.g. cereal, toast just make me feel bloated and horrible. Maybe I should look into a gluten-free diet? Anyway, the ay was fine, My sister and I went to the cinema to see the 5 year engagement, which is brilliant by the way. popcorn and sweets; a bulimic's nightmare. I was sick, right there in the cinema toilets, and I was ashamed. How is my younger sister supposed to look at me for structure when I can barely hold my own life together? Dinner was fine. Ate it all with no splash-backs, but then out came the cheese and crackers. Admittedly it wasn't a big purge, but it was big enough. My mum found out and another night has been spoiled by me.
I think I've figured out why I do this. It's loneliness, boredom and stress (although not stress at the moment, I have nothing to do!). I'm hoping when I start work again on Friday things will get better, I won't be able to eat because of boredom or loneliness as I'll be on shift.
That's all for tonight. Thanks for reading.
Tomorrow will be better, I hope.
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