I haven't written in a while - it's been hectic trying to get ready for Christmas.  Things are still back and forth, but not swinging so hard.

Saturday, we had a perfect day.  We went to the tree farm as a family and cut down our tree.  Then, he took me Christmas shopping for our kids' gifts.   The entire time, he was kind and patient.  He never complained once about all the stores or anything.  He talked and joked and was the sweet, wonderful man I knew.

I told my mother how great it was, and she said, "Oh, good, maybe he's better now."   I laughed a little to myself, wishing it was that easy.  I'm just hoping it will last for Christmas.  My daughter even noticed that he hasn't started an arguement with her lately.  She said it comes in cycles - first down, then mean, then good, then too happy then mean again and back to sad.   At 18 and with no formal training, she described it pretty well.   She's thinking it will be good for Christmas, but not New Year's. 

When he got home from work today, I noticed a few little odd things.  Perhaps nothing, but I just feel a little anxious - maybe it's just me.  He's starting to get a little controlling again, I don't think too bad, and maybe it won't get too much worse.  I started to cry a little as I worried that the stability won't last until next week.  Is it too much to ask for one happy, untroubled week?

How will I handle the holidays if he gets an episode again?  I am already having such a hard time getting into the mood of it.  It's hard to be happy when I don't know what will happen tomorrow.    Maybe it will be alright.  Maybe the meds. and therapy are finally keeping him stable. 

I will tryto relax and enjoy the good days and as always hope for the best.