This week has been full of ups and downs as I wait for my husband's medication to start working.  There have been days when I have been certain the meds. were finally starting towork, and he was becoming himself again.  There have been times when I've considered asking him to move out for a while because of his cruelty.

I wonder if this is normal.  I'm hoping that the periods of normal behavior will increase.  At points this week, he has been more himself.  I have seen more consistent glimpses of the man I knew.  He doesn't seem to be depressed anymore.  He is getting things done around the house, and making clear good choices. 

On the other hand, he has been so hard on all of us, especially our youngest child.  He has said mean, unfogivable things both to him and about him.  (He is only 7 years old).   This had me thinking that I should probably ask him to move out for a while.  Yesterday, I got a call from my son's school counselor.  He has been talking with her and getting very upset about the littlest things.   The counselor is aware of the situation at home and has agreed to start seeing him regularly.  If this isn't enough to help him, I am thinking about taking him to a psychologist.  Is it fair to let my husband's illness emotionally scar him? 

Anyway, when my husband found out about the counselor and school, he made an effort to be nicer and more positive toward our son.  I will watch the situation and go from  there.  I love my husband and want to be supportive during his illness as he tries to get better, but I will not tolerate deliberate cruelty toward my children.

He is also so worried about money.  We both work and really haven't had a problem, but he is so worried about spending, even for things we need.  This is totally unlike him.  We used to go out and enjoy things together.  Now, I'm almost afraid to ask if we can go anywhere or do anything.

It is so hard after 23 years of marriage to find myself with a completely different person.  Is this really who he was all along?  It's not fair to change all the rules of our relationship and just expect me to go along with it.  If this is how it's going to be, then we can't stay together.  I won't leave him while he's ill, but if he cannot be more like he was then I can't live with him, either.  I didn't marry a mean, selfish, controling person.  It's not fair to either of us to stay together like this.

I will be watching him closely to see what will happen as I am more confused than ever.